1. Posted: April 4, 2013In:

    A happy-go-lucky divorce lawyer who preys on divorcees gets a wake up call when an ex shows up with a kid claiming its his and threatens his bachelor lifestyle.

    Kriss Tolliday

    I think this log line works, although it does need a little re-wording but other than minor adjustments I think it is along the right lines. It gives us a flawed protagonist whose life is to sleep around, put under threat by a new kid who will ultimately change him as a person. (This is the gist I gRead more

    I think this log line works, although it does need a little re-wording but other than minor adjustments I think it is along the right lines. It gives us a flawed protagonist whose life is to sleep around, put under threat by a new kid who will ultimately change him as a person. (This is the gist I get from it). If that is the case then I am on board and the story outline has been told.

    However I would alter some and play around with it. I would remove ‘gets a wake-up call’ and perhaps hint at a change in his character.

    ‘A carefree divorce lawyer’s lavish bachelor lifestyle is put on hold when his ex surprises him with a child, forcing him to reevaluate his life.’

    Not sure if my attempt helps but good luck.

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  2. Posted: April 3, 2013In:

    Mauled by a rabid dog, a truck driver stumbles down the road to a nearby trailer park and begs for help. But when the residents refuse to come to his aide his condition worsens and he becomes a ruthless killer.

    Kriss Tolliday

    I agree with the first part of Richiev's comments. Save the word count by omitting anything that is unneeded. We don't need to know he stumbles to a trailer park because you can just put 'asks for help from residents of a nearby trailer park'. However what the character wants, I presume, is help andRead more

    I agree with the first part of Richiev’s comments. Save the word count by omitting anything that is unneeded. We don’t need to know he stumbles to a trailer park because you can just put ‘asks for help from residents of a nearby trailer park’.

    However what the character wants, I presume, is help and his obstacles are that the residents won’t help him. At the midpoint if his character goes through the transformation his wants become to kill the residents for not helping him and them fighting back is his obstacle.

    The logline still needs work and it is a tough one to work on due to the complete change in the character but I think you need to hint at both and keep an outright goal which remains present throughout the film. It starts as wanting help, then killing the people but deep down what he really wants is to survive/make his delivery/evade capture etc etc.

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  3. Posted: April 2, 2013In:

    When an acerbic alcoholic finds himself penniless and alone he has no choice but to crash his family?s holiday. Years of alienating them makes for a stiff challenge, but eventually he subtly helps them heal.

    Kriss Tolliday

    The comments above highlight the issues with the log line. it feels very separated, like the first half and second half are talking about two different things. Does this alcoholic go on the holiday in the hope of getting some money, only to realise that family is much more important? If that is theRead more

    The comments above highlight the issues with the log line. it feels very separated, like the first half and second half are talking about two different things. Does this alcoholic go on the holiday in the hope of getting some money, only to realise that family is much more important? If that is the case it should be saying that when he becomes broke he crashes the holiday to wiggle his way into the family money but along the way he realises the love of family means more?! I’m not sure if that is the sort of thing you are going for but these are the sort of things we need to know, nicholas’ comment above gives some good points that must be included.

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