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A cleptomaniac rich boy wanted for almost killing a clerk in a theft crosses life with a homeless writer when he steals and loses the novel he had finally finished.
It doesnt seem to matter that the kleptomaniac boy was rich, at least not in the logline. Try taking it out and reducing it to the bare bones. Instead of a kleptomaniac rich boy why not just say kleptomaniac. And instead of crosses life with, try crosses paths with (crosses life with makes it soundRead more
It doesnt seem to matter that the kleptomaniac boy was rich, at least not in the logline. Try taking it out and reducing it to the bare bones. Instead of a kleptomaniac rich boy why not just say kleptomaniac. And instead of crosses life with, try crosses paths with (crosses life with makes it sound like they shift bodies or something). Also, lets pull the two sentences together by clarifying the antecedents. So thus we have:
‘A kleptomaniac, wanted for almost killing a clerk in a theft, crosses paths with a homeless writer after he steals his novel.’
Leave out the fact that he loses the novel later, because you dont want to give away too much in the log line 🙂
See lessDean, a small-town charmer, bravely leaves his home for the bright lights of Los Angeles, only to be greeted by sex, lies and deceit. OR In pursuit of his dreams, can a small-town charmer overcome the temptations in a city he doesn?t belong in or will he become another casualty of L.A.?
The logline itself is good, but I'm not sure the concept is there. We have a small-town charmer (not sure what that is, maybe just a really suave man) who goes to Los Angelas to discover a city filled with sex, lies, and deceit (no surprise there). But what is the hook? I think we all know LA can beRead more
The logline itself is good, but I’m not sure the concept is there. We have a small-town charmer (not sure what that is, maybe just a really suave man) who goes to Los Angelas to discover a city filled with sex, lies, and deceit (no surprise there). But what is the hook? I think we all know LA can be a dodgy place so why move there if it is a problem? I would think a small town charmer would be right at home in such a place. Thats just my opinion though. Try adding in some stipulations to make the logline more catchy 🙂
Meanwhile, keep the pen moving.
See lessAfter witnessing her boyfriends set up in a drug heist gone wrong a naive gangland girlfriend must unravel the truth behind what went down if she's going to get either of them out alive.
The logline seems a bit confusing. "After witnessing her boyfriends set up in a drug heist gone wrong..." So this girl has multiple boyfriends? Or is it her boyfriend's set up in the drug heist (like the boyfriend is actually an undercover police officer? Might want to try and rephrase this. Keep woRead more
The logline seems a bit confusing. “After witnessing her boyfriends set up in a drug heist gone wrong…” So this girl has multiple boyfriends? Or is it her boyfriend’s set up in the drug heist (like the boyfriend is actually an undercover police officer? Might want to try and rephrase this. Keep working on it 🙂
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