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  1. Posted: February 14, 2013In: Public

    When an honest high school football star kills a young woman while driving drunk, his morals are put to the test when those he respects cover up the crime.

    mmckean
    Added an answer on February 15, 2013 at 2:23 am

    First of all, this is a very good log line. It would probably sell 'as is' My only idea would be possibly to take out "honest" because it makes it doesn't seem necessary and it makes it sound like most high school football star's are liars (maybe thats just me though). Might try leaving out the specRead more

    First of all, this is a very good log line. It would probably sell ‘as is’ My only idea would be possibly to take out “honest” because it makes it doesn’t seem necessary and it makes it sound like most high school football star’s are liars (maybe thats just me though). Might try leaving out the specifics on the crime too so people want to read the screenplay to find out. Not that I’m trying to tell you how to write your log line or anything but perhaps something along the lines of…
    “A high school football star’s morals are put to the test after his fans cover up his crime.”

    Im not trying to say mine is any better, Im just tossing some ideas out there. I’m an amateur writer so take what you want from this review and pitch the rest in the trash haha. Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂

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  2. Posted: February 13, 2013In: Public

    While investigating a missing persons case, tabloid journalist David Cross discovers a secret military base guarding a mysterious mansion in the woods of a rural Indiana town.

    mmckean
    Added an answer on February 15, 2013 at 2:07 am

    Thanks for your helpful review. I really like this site so far, everyone is nice and I feel like I'm accomplishing something. I've been working on a revision today, and Ill post it soon. Have a great Valentine's Day :)

    Thanks for your helpful review. I really like this site so far, everyone is nice and I feel like I’m accomplishing something. I’ve been working on a revision today, and Ill post it soon. Have a great Valentine’s Day 🙂

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  3. Posted: February 13, 2013In: Public

    Tabloid journalist David Cross discovers a secret military base guarding a mysterious mansion — claimed to be associated with the disappearances of several community members, in the woods of a rural Indiana town and is forced to take refuge inside.

    mmckean
    Added an answer on February 15, 2013 at 2:05 am

    Thanks so much for your review. It's awesome :) I've been working on a rewrite today and I think I've shaved quite a few words off without losing anything too important. I'll post it soon. Have a great Valentine's Day.

    Thanks so much for your review. It’s awesome 🙂 I’ve been working on a rewrite today and I think I’ve shaved quite a few words off without losing anything too important. I’ll post it soon. Have a great Valentine’s Day.

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