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When 13 year old Bob decide to handover certain family artifacts and heirlooms of over 300 years to the British National Museum, an ancient war resumes and to stop the war, Bob has to go into the past to right the wrongs made by his ancestors.
I'm assuming your comment is a revision of your log line, so Ill work off that one. First, the logline brings up a lot of unanswered questions. Like what these treasures are and what ancient war and what wrongs bob's ancestors committed. A little mystery in a log line is essential, in my opinion, buRead more
I’m assuming your comment is a revision of your log line, so Ill work off that one. First, the logline brings up a lot of unanswered questions. Like what these treasures are and what ancient war and what wrongs bob’s ancestors committed. A little mystery in a log line is essential, in my opinion, but there is a little too much here and it makes the reader unsure whehter or not this story would appeal. Try really thinking about the main idea behind your story and work from there. Is it the war? Is it Bob and his ancestors? Is it the treasures? What do you want to emphasize and what do you want to leave mysterious? I hope this helps. Keep writing.
See lessA perfectionist hitman is drafted by two mobsters to assassinate their Don. Twenty nine hours later; he's struggling to cope with his dying father, seduced into an electric one-night stand, and, in a bizarre twist of fate, seriously wounded. Can he learn the identity of his betrayer before his world comes crashing down?
This sounds like a pretty cool movie idea. For a log line, this is a bit long though. The recommended length is one to two sentences.Maybe try and condense this down and make it shorter and tighter :) Also, why is it a bizarre twist of fate that a hit man who is going after a key mob boss is seriousRead more
This sounds like a pretty cool movie idea. For a log line, this is a bit long though. The recommended length is one to two sentences.Maybe try and condense this down and make it shorter and tighter 🙂
Also, why is it a bizarre twist of fate that a hit man who is going after a key mob boss is seriously wounded? I think that could kind of be expected when going up against such a formidable opponent.
See lessWhen friends miss their hotel reservation, they seek refuge from snowstorm in abandoned factory only to fight for survival against ancient witch hiding there.
I agree with Richiev about taking out that they miss their hotel reservation. I would also try to specify more about the group of friends. The target viewing audience for an idea like this would be teen to young adult (18-25). Maybe instead of saying several friends you could group it down to defineRead more
I agree with Richiev about taking out that they miss their hotel reservation. I would also try to specify more about the group of friends. The target viewing audience for an idea like this would be teen to young adult (18-25). Maybe instead of saying several friends you could group it down to define age and possibly what they have in common. Maybe they are all students….then it would turn into…
See less“Students seek refuge from a snowstorm in an abandoned factory…” or “High school students…” or “College students….” Which sounds a lot more professional, in my opinion. Also, it sounds kind of amateurish to say the witch was ‘hiding there.’ Why would an ancient witch that lives in a factory hide from a group of friends who are intruding on her space? Maybe you could use something along the lines of… “High school students seek refuge from a snowstorm in an abandoned factory that turns out to be the residence of an ancient witch.” You could take bits a pieces from this sentence and make it your own if you want. Really it is the same idea you gave, I just moved things around a bit. Try re-arranging the sentence and playing with it a bit. I hope this helps. It sounds like my kind of story to be honest. I love witch movies. Have a Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂