These are all good points here. I’m not sure if the lack of clarity is due to a lack of specificity in your logline attempts or a lack of clear objectives and motivations in the script itself…we may not know without learning more about the story.

As for this newest logline, it’s rather long — 34 words — and has a big pause in the middle with the comma. And, because I have to live up to my moniker: “targeted”. Also you’re using “that” in reference to a person instead of “who” — “the ex-con father WHO blames her for…”

Maybe what you need is something like this: “A teenager tries to keep her con-artist father’s past a secret from her boyfriend?s family when dear old dad is unexpectedly released from prison.”

In 25 words you have a protagonist and her motivation, the antagonist and his nature, the conflict, the stakes, and even a sense of the tone the story will take, if it’s as relatively light-hearted as this sounds. All the additional details in your other loglines are extraneous at this point, and are things you can reveal in the script itself, which people should be interested in reading after a solid logline.

Wreaks.

Good overall structure, but lacking clarity.

How can he affect her life while he’s in prison? What kind of havoc will he bring? How will he ruin her chance at love? What is this actually about? You’re not giving us enough information to comprehend the story.

You have included the four main elements necessary — protagonist, antagonist, conflict, & stakes — but haven’t made them very clear. These are just vague notions; be specific: what exactly will happen to her if she fails? What is involved in this imperative confrontation? What is it she has to do, and what will she be preventing?

Getting this information across in better detail will also make the genre more obvious, because right now it’s impossible to tell…is it a thriller? Horror? Drama? Comedy? Clue us in to the nature and tone of the story by identifying the main elements involved.