Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
A family of four moves into a house in a small town only to find out the house takes people when it takes one of the children. the family has to do all they can to save their child.
A family of four may be main characters but they're not a protagonist; single someone out and define them in some way. Make it clear what happens, what the stakes are, what has to be done, and do it in one sentence.
A family of four may be main characters but they’re not a protagonist; single someone out and define them in some way. Make it clear what happens, what the stakes are, what has to be done, and do it in one sentence.
See lessWhen a suave playboy’s young lover brings him home to meet her father, an old friend and rival, he begins to fall for the father’s fiancee.
Never start a logline with When. Start with the protagonist, then provide the antagonist, conflict, & stakes. Avoid commas. 25-30 words max, the shorter the better.? This is very muddled regarding who's who and falling for whom, or even how many characters are involved...there's the playboy, theRead more
Never start a logline with When. Start with the protagonist, then provide the antagonist, conflict, & stakes. Avoid commas. 25-30 words max, the shorter the better.?
This is very muddled regarding who’s who and falling for whom, or even how many characters are involved…there’s the playboy, the lover, the father, a fianc?e…who’s the old friend and rival? Is that one or two people? A more direct & straightforward sentence will help clear this up.
In a screenplay, nobody should “begin” to do anything. They do it or they don’t. Same goes for a logline. If he falls for someone, just say he falls for someone. A reader can presume an action taking place has begun.
See lessIn a future where the average citizen is controlled by a master super-computer: when he accidentally steps into a time warp to 2019, a cyborg discovers murderous urges he never knew he had and goes on a killing spree.
This is all backwards. You're giving us information on the setting which is unnecessary, then telling us when something happens without telling us whom it happens to. Protagonist, antagonist, conflict, stakes. And I don't see a protagonist here, unless you think people will identify & empathizeRead more
This is all backwards. You’re giving us information on the setting which is unnecessary, then telling us when something happens without telling us whom it happens to. Protagonist, antagonist, conflict, stakes. And I don’t see a protagonist here, unless you think people will identify & empathize with a cyborg on a killing spree…you need a Kyle Reese, a.k.a. the actual human being trying to stop the murderous robot.
What we’re left with here doesn’t even make any sense: is a cyborg an average citizen? If he’s controlled by a super-computer, why is he on a killing spree? Because he time-warped so he’s on his own? It just isn’t clear, and if your logline doesn’t make the story clear it isn’t doing its job. We shouldn’t be asking questions merely to comprehend the story, we should be wanting to read more.
A nerdy programmer must stop a murderous cyborg from the future now disconnected from the super computer which controls it.
There are your four major elements, defined and summarized in 20 words, nothing unclear. If I saw that I’d wanna check out a full page summary, even the first ten pages. And that’s all a logline needs to do: generate further interest.
See less