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When several unexplained deaths occur in a retirement village, a cranky veteran suspects the widows and must uncover the truth before becoming the next to go.
Rearrange the details for better flow. I don't know who ever said starting a logline with "When something happens" but it's terrible and doesn't make sense that so many people use it without listening to how slow and boring it sounds. Always start with the protagonist - no one cares about events, weRead more
Rearrange the details for better flow. I don’t know who ever said starting a logline with “When something happens” but it’s terrible and doesn’t make sense that so many people use it without listening to how slow and boring it sounds.
Always start with the protagonist – no one cares about events, we care about people. Aside from how it’s phrased, all the pertinent details are here: protagonist, antagonist, conflict, stakes. Just put it in a more compelling order without punctuation and it’s solid.
A cranky veteran must uncover the truth behind several unexplained deaths in his retirement village before the widowed suspects make him the next to go.
This doesn’t quite identify the tone – could be dark comedy, could be dramatic thriller – but does generate interest in reading more, so as long as the tone is clear in a synopsis or summary or treatment or especially the script, it’s fine.
See lessTwo recently graduated teens must hitchhike across the country in order to make the most out of their summer.
Why "must" they do this? I know some people recommend stating characters must accomplish something, because it indicates there are stakes, but that only works when they actually have something to lose. John McClane must stop the terrorists; no one MUST go hitchhiking. Just dropping that one single wRead more
Why “must” they do this? I know some people recommend stating characters must accomplish something, because it indicates there are stakes, but that only works when they actually have something to lose. John McClane must stop the terrorists; no one MUST go hitchhiking. Just dropping that one single word makes it an acceptable logline, though doesn’t tell us much about the story or their characters.
Getting the most out of a summer is a bit vague; why is this important? What’s at stake? Are they a young couple going to different colleges in the fall and this is how they want to spend time together before they separate? Why is it compelling that they hitchhike vs doing anything else all summer? Is this set in the current year when hitchhiking is considered dangerous and they insist despite parental objection? Or is it several decades ago, when the practice was considered more harmless and they just want to experience the adventure?
Give us some indication of the tone of the story, because when it isn’t plot-driven (which coming-of-age-stories rarely are), we need something to make it sound interesting.
See lessA group of AP students must explore the balance between studying and partying in order to better understand the high school experience.
A logline needs four things: protagonist, antagonist, conflict, stakes. You've specified none of them. Who are they? Why must they do what they're doing? What are they doing? What actually happens? And what does AP mean? Also: never start a logline with "When..." Start with the protagonist, define tRead more
A logline needs four things: protagonist, antagonist, conflict, stakes. You’ve specified none of them. Who are they? Why must they do what they’re doing? What are they doing? What actually happens? And what does AP mean? Also: never start a logline with “When…” Start with the protagonist, define the other three elements. Use 25-30 words and no punctuation. Leave nothing unclear.
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