1. Posted: December 3, 2015In:

    When a spot at the local drag show opens last minute, an overly-confident teenager sneaks in and prepares his act quickly to prove himself worthy of a steady gig.

    Adam Bernstr?m Samurai

    Apart from what the others already have asked, I'm kinda wondering who, or what stands in his way? Is it the drag queen diva of the establishment? I actually hope it is. Some old, sassy queen with a razor sharp tongue and unwilling to give up her spot. In what way does a spot open, by the way? DoesRead more

    Apart from what the others already have asked, I’m kinda wondering who, or what stands in his way? Is it the drag queen diva of the establishment? I actually hope it is. Some old, sassy queen with a razor sharp tongue and unwilling to give up her spot.

    In what way does a spot open, by the way? Does someone become incapacitated in some way? Or is it some kind of drag show equivalent of open mike night, which would probably be a recurring thing, but the protagonist is forced to rush things before anyone finds out he’s underage ? presumably it’s a place where they serve alcohol and he’s not yet old enough to drink? This may not fit your idea at all, so I’d perfectly understand if you ignore this. I’m just spitballing here.

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  2. Posted: October 23, 2015In:

    A reclusive ornithologist finds his life turned upside down when everybody mistakes him for his namesake famous secret agent. He must escape dangerous people and evil henchmen to stop the villain before his plan destroys the habitat of an extremely rare bird.

    Adam Bernstr?m Samurai

    Thanks again Nir Shelter. The idea was that he kills two birds with one stone, as it were. By stopping the villain's plans for world domination he also saves the bird's habitat, or vice versa. I guess that wasn't clear enough either. Basically his priorities might be a bit askew ? caring more for thRead more

    Thanks again Nir Shelter.

    The idea was that he kills two birds with one stone, as it were. By stopping the villain’s plans for world domination he also saves the bird’s habitat, or vice versa. I guess that wasn’t clear enough either. Basically his priorities might be a bit askew ? caring more for the birds than people ? in the beginning, but storytelling is about change occurring in the protagonist, so obviously he gets the priorities right in the end. I guess that could be more clearly stated in the logline.

    I suppose I could try to bake the space opera nature of it in with the goal, just ?as long as it doesn’t make the logline even longer than it is.

    I was going to have him travel to a certain planet to find and study a totally fictional type of bird, the Volcano Phoenix, which lays its eggs in a volcano and the eggs only hatch when there’s an eruption, only that can’t happen since the villain has built his secret lair in the volcano.

    I think I may have to work on the logline some more.

    Thank you dpg. I like your version.

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  3. Posted: October 23, 2015In:

    A reclusive ornithologist finds his life turned upside down when everybody mistakes him for his namesake famous secret agent. He must escape dangerous people and evil henchmen to stop the villain before his plan destroys the habitat of an extremely rare bird.

    Adam Bernstr?m Samurai

    Thank you. I guess there are a few things I can improve in this logline. He travels to an exotic location to find this extremely rare bird, with the intention of not having to deal with other people at all. But since the spy, who is his namesake, is expected to arrive as well and he provides the corRead more

    Thank you. I guess there are a few things I can improve in this logline.

    He travels to an exotic location to find this extremely rare bird, with the intention of not having to deal with other people at all. But since the spy, who is his namesake, is expected to arrive as well and he provides the correct answer to the code word greeting, everybody assumes he is the spy and checks him into the luxury hotel suite booked for the spy. Then the spy arrives and nearly kills him, tries to seduce him and finally decides to exploit the fact that people thinks he is the spy.

    Maybe if I somehow state that his goal is peace and quiet, solitude or something like that, and then gets the opposite because of the confusion.

    I tried using a thesaurus to find another word for ornithologist, but none of the thesauruses I’ve tried had any entry for that word, or any derivation of it. The closest word I can think of is “bird watcher” but that isn’t as accurate. That suggests somebody who does it for a hobby, while an ornithologist studies birds scientifically, for a living. I suspect you might even need an academic degree to become an ornithologist.

    If you know something of the origins of where Ian Flemming got the name James Bond from, it makes sense… I think… ?But I will, of course, come up with some different name for the two characters.

    Yes, it is comedy. I even put Comedy as genre for this one, though I could easily have put Science Fiction as well, since I’m setting it in this space opera story universe that I’ve written about before.

    I had higher stakes in mind, but those ?clearly didn’t come through. I guess I might add something like: “… before the villain’s plans for world domination destroys the habitat of a very rare bird.” ? Is that better?

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