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A couple take up rock climbing to work out their trust issues, but when they witness a murder half way up a 200 meter cliff, they become the killers next targets and must work together to get out alive.
Agreed with Wind. The premise has potential but it needs to be expanded if it's to work in a full-length film. I don't understand how taking up rock climbing will help their trust issues, why not just describe them as they are: After a couple with trust issues go on a rock climbing trip they witnessRead more
Agreed with Wind.
The premise has potential but it needs to be expanded if it’s to work in a full-length film.
I don’t understand how taking up rock climbing will help their trust issues, why not just describe them as they are:
After a couple with trust issues go on a rock climbing trip they witness a murder and must rely on each other to escape the killer with their lives intact.
Still very lean on story. Maybe it would be better to relocate the story to a mountaintop in the middle of the wilderness so as to put them days away from civilisation. Rock climbing implies that they are on a cliff and just need to get down to the bottom.
See less(Re-post) Post civil war, after escaping a vicious gang of ex-confederates running a slave camp in a sequestered stronghold in the mountains, an ex-union soldier seeks to return and free everyone there.
The concept has improved but the logline still needs work - there's too much in it that doesn't directly relate to the plot. Here is a cleaned up version of your logline: Post civil war, after escaping a slave camp run by?ex-confederates, an ex-union soldier gathers his former brothers in arms to atRead more
The concept has improved but the logline still needs work – there’s too much in it that doesn’t directly relate to the plot.
Here is a cleaned up version of your logline:
See lessPost civil war, after escaping a slave camp run by?ex-confederates, an ex-union soldier gathers his former brothers in arms to attack the camp and free the other survivors.
(Re-post) Post civil war, after escaping a vicious gang of ex-confederates running a slave camp in a sequestered stronghold in the mountains, an ex-union soldier seeks to return and free everyone there.
The wording of this logline makes it hard to understand.I think you mean that the ex-soldier is attacked by a gang - this is your out of the ordinary, world shattering, inciting incident and should be described as such from the MC's point of view. So, instead of stating that he escaped an attack, deRead more
The wording of this logline makes it hard to understand.
I think you mean that the ex-soldier is attacked by a gang – this is your out of the ordinary, world shattering, inciting incident and should be described as such from the MC’s point of view. So, instead of stating that he escaped an attack, describe the attack itself, i.e: After he is attacked by a gang of outlaws, an ex-confederate soldier must…
The brother and other soldiers are seemingly irrelevant, they’re allies and can be cut from the logline. The best loglines focus on the MC and his or her actions – nothing else.
So how does he plan on catching the gang? Will he set a trap? Will he gun them down?
See lessLastly, which is his primary goal, the bounty or revenge?