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preventing her brother from joining the local crew gets complicated when the gang leader falls in love with her
We actually reviewed another one of your loglines on Karel's Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzNdIfgTGJU We get to yours at about 12:50 into the video. In the logline we reviewed you had a character and inciting incident but was lacking a goal, funnily enough, in this one you startRead more
We actually reviewed another one of your loglines on Karel’s Youtube channel – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzNdIfgTGJU
We get to yours at about 12:50 into the video.
In the logline we reviewed you had a character and inciting incident but was lacking a goal, funnily enough, in this one you start off describing the goal but don’t describe the inciting incident or character. You seem to be falling into the same trap each time – missing out on plot critical elements in your logline.
Read the ‘Formula’ tab and try to re write this accordingly.
See lessWhen a teenager shows up engaged, his possessive single mother fakes her love for his fianc?’s single dad, to foil their premature marriage
If the mother is the MC, best to keep it all from her point of view, so the second version works better in that regard. That said, I don't understand the logic. How would her being in love/fake being in love with the girl's dad prevent the kids from getting married? Do you mean that the mother plansRead more
If the mother is the MC, best to keep it all from her point of view, so the second version works better in that regard.
That said, I don’t understand the logic.
See lessHow would her being in love/fake being in love with the girl’s dad prevent the kids from getting married? Do you mean that the mother plans on marrying the dad and in doing so make the boy and girl siblings in law? If so, they can still marry – they’re not blood relations after all.
Tag: ?It is said that a mind is a terrible thing to waste? For some, it is also a very terrifying thing to lose?? Logline: Wrongfully incarcerated, an innocent gay male must rely on his feminine nature to survive as he struggles to maintain his sanity against the uncertainty of unpredictable cellmates and the jailhouse mentality that threatens to break him.
Placing a sensitive black gay man in a mostly macho white jail conjures up images of hardship that could be sold as an indie low budget gritty crime drama. However, the plot seems to be missing and without a plot, you can't sell. Surviving jail isn't a plot, it's an ongoing endeavour - difficult andRead more
Placing a sensitive black gay man in a mostly macho white jail conjures up images of hardship that could be sold as an indie low budget gritty crime drama. However, the plot seems to be missing and without a plot, you can’t sell.
Surviving jail isn’t a plot, it’s an ongoing endeavour – difficult and challenging, to be sure, but not a plot. For a plot, you need a sequence of actions unified under one goal for the MC to pursue.
If his goal is freedom then he’ll need to either prove his innocence or escape.
When is the story set? If it’s present day, he could arguably research his case online and liaise with a collaborator on the outside. Otherwise, he could bide his time and scheme to break out – much like in the Shawshank Redemption. Consider Andy Dufresne, he was innocent and worked tirelessly to free himself throughout most of the movie, but his actions were all but camouflaged by a series of?cleverly designed subplots. The writer wanted to give the audience an ’emotional rollercoaster’ and help them develop empathy for Andy so when he finally crawls through a river of shit and emerges clean on the other side, we’re all cheering in our seats at his victory.
Point is, that the logline for The Shawshank Redemption would focus on his efforts to achieve his primary goal – freedom, not the setting or hardship of prison life.
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