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When a broke musician is accidentally locked in a wine cellar with a rich beautiful socialite, he desperately attempts to woo her (and her wealth) before somebody comes to their rescue.
I like the "...and her wealth..." it adds a hint of comedy punctuation to the logline. Agreed with DPG and Variable with regards to the format, it reads like a short and in that regard works well. I'd remove the beautiful part of the socialite's description, it's not her looks that define her but heRead more
I like the “…and her wealth…” it adds a hint of comedy punctuation to the logline.
Agreed with DPG and Variable with regards to the format, it reads like a short and in that regard works well. I’d remove the beautiful part of the socialite’s description, it’s not her looks that define her but her money and if she isn’t beautiful it’s a bit funnier.
See lessThe true story of how a notorious Jewish counterfeiter saved his life by cooperating with the Nazis in the largest counterfeiting scheme in history.
I dunno... Being put in a concentration camp is a VERY BIG event in one's life, especially for a Jew during the Third Reich. I and millions of other people would find the act of being thrown into a concentration camp mighty hooky. If you don't specify this, you undermine its importance when comparedRead more
I dunno…
Being put in a concentration camp is a VERY BIG event in one’s life, especially for a Jew during the Third Reich.
I and millions of other people would find the act of being thrown into a concentration camp mighty hooky. If you don’t specify this, you undermine its importance when compared to the other story elements – not only are you coming across as callous with respect to the subject matter at hand but also you’re neglecting to specify the immense obstacle the MC faces – why do that? Obstacles and stakes make a story interesting, even if they’re obvious parts of a story you’d do best to mention them in the logline.
Not many Jews made it out alive, a true story about a Jew who did, regardless the method, is interesting. Needless to say, this guy’s particular story has its own twist on Holocaust survival and as a result an amplified interest in the story. That’s why the logline would read better if you mentioned what he did, why and under what specific circumstance.
Mu suggestion:
See lessAfter being thrown into a concentration camp, a notorious Jewish counterfeiter saved his life by cooperating with the Nazis in the largest counterfeiting scheme in history.
After recruitment, a DSA agent takes on the toughest cases that are thrown at her, while trying to maintain a relationship with her handsome, yet computer-nerd boyfriend.
Agreed with all the above comments. I'll add that, the first half of this logline is about a rookie NSA agent and the second one is about a relationship - the two don't necessarily fit into the one concept as they both deal with completly different subject matter. Analyse successful TV shows and youRead more
Agreed with all the above comments.
I’ll add that, the first half of this logline is about a rookie NSA agent and the second one is about a relationship – the two don’t necessarily fit into the one concept as they both deal with completly different subject matter. Analyse successful TV shows and you’ll see that the personal aspect of the show, in most cases, is tied into the main storyline.
Here are a few as examples:
After he is diagnosed with terminal cancer a chemistry teacher turns into a successful meth cook in order to provide his family with enough money after he dies.
After witnessing his mother’s murder a serial killer, gone police blood spatter expert, channels his urge to kill to stop criminals the police couldn’t catch.
After being wrongfully court martialed a special forces team become civilian underground guns for hire to help innocent people find justice.
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