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When a team of employees learns that a once in a lifetime redundancy is being offered to one of them, a lone employee encourages the others to demonstrate their willingness to be the one retrenched. In the process, the team learns more about who their colleagues really are for them
I like this premise as a comedy, but it's is too long and lacks a few major beats. First I would start by identifying one of the team as the main character, then I would rewrite the logline from his or her point of view. It sounds like the MC's goal would be to get retrenched, if this is the case, tRead more
I like this premise as a comedy, but it’s is too long and lacks a few major beats. First I would start by identifying one of the team as the main character, then I would rewrite the logline from his or her point of view. It sounds like the MC’s goal would be to get retrenched, if this is the case, the inciting incident would need to directly motivate him or her to become the one.
See lessA neglected, broken business woman must find the strength to learn how to love herself with the help of a schizophrenia film-maker, and when feelings start unravel between the two, it result the fear of her past to haunt her once again she tried to escape.
Not sure if it's the grammar, wording or structure of the logline that's throwing me but I can't understand what your story is about much less the plot.The MC is a businesswoman who falls for a filmmaker - this means it's a love story, but what event motivates her to achieve what goal and how is sheRead more
Not sure if it’s the grammar, wording or structure of the logline that’s throwing me but I can’t understand what your story is about much less the plot.
The MC is a businesswoman who falls for a filmmaker – this means it’s a love story, but what event motivates her to achieve what goal and how is she going to do it?
See lessA Dissociate Identity Disorder sufferer discovers his alternate personalities are actually various versions of himself existing in different timelines and must use his connection to them to help them prevent a disturbed alternate from finding and killing the original version of himself, which would erase them all.
You'll struggle to communicate the basic logic behind this premise in a pitch much less in a synopsis. If each personality exists simultaneously in a different timeline, then each of them is the original version as far as that timeline is concerned. What do you mean by "...original version..."? LogiRead more
You’ll struggle to communicate the basic logic behind this premise in a pitch much less in a synopsis.
If each personality exists simultaneously in a different timeline, then each of them is the original version as far as that timeline is concerned. What do you mean by “…original version…”?
Logic aside, I think the intention is that the disturbed alternate personality is suicidal but the others are not and they have to work together to stop the bad alternate personality from destroying them all. It really is a story of self-preservation, the MC’s main concern is himself, is there any way you can make it so he needs to stop the bad alternate personality for the greater good instead of just himself?
Bear in mind that the premise of a Dissociate Identity Disorder sufferer working with the different personalities to stop one “bad” personality has been done in Split. Maybe the whole parallel timeline aspect will add enough to make this original, but at the same time, it’s worth considering the fact that it won’t be and producers will see this as a rehashing of Split regardless.
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