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After losing her partner in dance competition and being stuck in physical therapy for her injuries, the girl must find another partner to win the upcoming competition in which her coach suggested a perfectly skilled street fighter with no dance experience.
The story is hard to gauge from the logline, I think it's because you have too many unrelated details. Cut the first mention of a dance comp and physical therapy beats - they are backstory and add very little to the plot. The main plot point is that she loses her partner, that's the inciting incidenRead more
The story is hard to gauge from the logline, I think it’s because you have too many unrelated details.
Cut the first mention of a dance comp and physical therapy beats – they are backstory and add very little to the plot. The main plot point is that she loses her partner, that’s the inciting incident and the only thing needed to set up the plot.
“…the girl…” is a very bad way to introduce your MC. ‘the’ implies that the reader should already know who she is but since you haven’t mentioned her until then it comes across as confusing and ‘girl’ (you have no idea how often we comment on this) is too generic for a logline. What is her major flaw? Use that to describe her instead of ‘girl’.
See lessFueled by an encounter with a haunted house, a novice paranormal investigator battles the supernatural for those with nowhere else to turn with her reluctant best friend.
Seeing as this is a series, you'd be better off focusing on the mechanism by which you plan to generate new sources of conflict. What will stand in her way in most episodes? And what does "...battles the supernatural..." mean?
Seeing as this is a series, you’d be better off focusing on the mechanism by which you plan to generate new sources of conflict. What will stand in her way in most episodes? And what does “…battles the supernatural…” mean?
See lessAn outcast elephant who prefers to keep to himself becomes an unlikely hero when he unintentionally prevents a tragedy from occurring, but now he must learn how to become a leader.
If he were the hereditary leader, in other words, if it's his birthright like in the Lion King, he would have a more compelling reason to rise to the occasion. Otherwise, I have to agree with Richiev and DPG, the logic behind the nature of his leadership ascension doesn't work.
If he were the hereditary leader, in other words, if it’s his birthright like in the Lion King, he would have a more compelling reason to rise to the occasion. Otherwise, I have to agree with Richiev and DPG, the logic behind the nature of his leadership ascension doesn’t work.
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