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When her prison-inmate pen pal shows up unexpectedly asking her to go on a trip with him, an introverted true-crime obsessive doesn’t know how to say no – especially when he reveals its to attend his parents golden wedding anniversary which he wasn’t invited.
Agreed with DPG. You could cut down on many words in the second half of the logline, and replace them with action and goal descriptions. Does she fall in love with him? If so you could add a personal stake for her, otherwise the whole thing seems rather unmotivated, why do anything with this guy?
Agreed with DPG.
You could cut down on many words in the second half of the logline, and replace them with action and goal descriptions. Does she fall in love with him? If so you could add a personal stake for her, otherwise the whole thing seems rather unmotivated, why do anything with this guy?
See lessA young girl struggles to keep her family together after her mother gets hooked on drugs.
The structure of the logline is off - it should be inciting incident first then the MC's action. After her mother gets hooked on heroin, a girl must... Give her a better description than "...young girl..." - it's so generic that I have no idea who she is or what her flaw would be. Secondly, "...keepRead more
The structure of the logline is off – it should be inciting incident first then the MC’s action.
After her mother gets hooked on heroin, a girl must…
Give her a better description than “…young girl…” – it’s so generic that I have no idea who she is or what her flaw would be.
Secondly, “…keep her family together…” is a vague description of her actions in the story, what specifically will she do to keep them together? And how will we, the audience, know she succeeded? What final objective will illustrate that visually, or in other words, what specifically is her goal?
See lessIn late nineteenth century America a Ghanaian former slave seeks revenge for the murder of his wife and child; he must team up with his former owner, a retired bounty hunter trying to renounce his violent past.
Agreed with Craig. Does the bulk of the story take place in the old west or in modern day? And is the main character the Ghanaian man or his descendant?
Agreed with Craig.
Does the bulk of the story take place in the old west or in modern day? And is the main character the Ghanaian man or his descendant?
See less