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On the night of his big break, an up-and-coming comedian interrupts a pharmacy robbery, triggering a madcap chain of events as he races against the gang and the clock to get back to the theatre.
Nice premise, I would change it so the MC is the only witness to the crime and as such, they want to kill him. He must now dodge their bullets, lose them in the streets of LA and make it to the theater on time. I would even take it one step further and describe the nature of his big break to increasRead more
Nice premise, I would change it so the MC is the only witness to the crime and as such, they want to kill him. He must now dodge their bullets, lose them in the streets of LA and make it to the theater on time. I would even take it one step further and describe the nature of his big break to increase the stakes. What if he was invited on to the Late Show for his career making appearance? For most comedians that’s a do or die, only for him it applies literally as well.
See lessA reluctant babysitter tries to spook his little sister, telling a gruesome bedtime story of a young girl?s perilous journey through a dangerous kingdom carrying her father?s living head, in search of his fleeing body.
There are a few problems with this logline, and the biggest one is the story within a story framework. You mentioned The Princess Brid, that's a great example. If you were to ask people what that film was about, most of them would say the story of Butter Cup and Wesley, not the grandfather and sickRead more
There are a few problems with this logline, and the biggest one is the story within a story framework.
You mentioned The Princess Brid, that’s a great example. If you were to ask people what that film was about, most of them would say the story of Butter Cup and Wesley, not the grandfather and sick boy. As such, the logline would describe the main story in the film (medieval times) not the modern day framework one and I think you should do the same. If you try and cram the framework story in with the medieval plot into the one logline, you’ll essentially be describing two separate (albeit connected via theme) plots – a big no-no for loglines.
To that matter, best you describe the girl’s story to make her father whole again – start at the beheading, then her action to find the body (how will she find it) and finally her goal to reconnect the head (however she does it).
See lessWhen Jen?s niece accidentally sends them back to 1988 the one person who can help them is she man she swore never to see again. Her ex-husband
Agreed with the others.I'll add that the premise appears to lack conflict - except her pride, what's stopping her from getting help?And even after she gets help, what or who is stopping them from sending her back to the future?
Agreed with the others.
I’ll add that the premise appears to lack conflict – except her pride, what’s stopping her from getting help?
And even after she gets help, what or who is stopping them from sending her back to the future?
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