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When Prins Willem-Alexander wants to take the throne during a zombie outbreak on Queensday, his resourceful wife must lead the royal party strait through Amsterdam to the Palace on the Dam for his coronation; gracefuly end the ceremony with the balcony scene and leave by helicopter.
The structure of the logline is throwing off the read. If the zombie outbreak is the inciting incident open with that, i.e: After a zombie outbreak, Prince Willem-Alexander must...Secondly, who is the main character the prince or his wife?Last note, the prince and his wife seem rather selfish - a zoRead more
The structure of the logline is throwing off the read. If the zombie outbreak is the inciting incident open with that, i.e: After a zombie outbreak, Prince Willem-Alexander must…
Secondly, who is the main character the prince or his wife?
Last note, the prince and his wife seem rather selfish – a zombie outbreak is wreaking havoc in their kingdom and all they can think about is taking over the throne. Should they not want to save their people or at least their family?
See lessWhen a traveling butcher’s grisly plans to take over a small town are revealed, an unassuming deaf man must use his hidden talents to protect his community.
A man planning his own suicide is a risky MC to write. Suicidal Tendencies, in most cases, are not good traits for a main character. However, if you do succeed in making this a good comedy (perhaps using lots of black humour) it could work.The big problem with the logline is the lack of detail, descRead more
A man planning his own suicide is a risky MC to write. Suicidal Tendencies, in most cases, are not good traits for a main character. However, if you do succeed in making this a good comedy (perhaps using lots of black humour) it could work.
The big problem with the logline is the lack of detail, descriptions such as “…an unexpected intruder…”, “…finds help…”, and “…sympathetic souls…” are perfectly generic and add very little to the reader’s understanding of the story. I would also specify the wife’s death as the inciting incident- it’s a big event that really does shake his world and his motivation will be understood by most people around the world.
See lessWhen a redneck American world champion woodchopper is defeated by the ultimate bogan Australian newcomer, he travels to the land down under to face his nemesis and reclaim the title.
I actually disagree with Foxtrot25, I think the premise is great - competitive woodchopping is a big sport and draws interest from all walks of life. This sounds like a good premise for a comedy - a clash of cultures if you like, that's a great source of humour much like in The Dish or Crocodile DunRead more
I actually disagree with Foxtrot25, I think the premise is great – competitive woodchopping is a big sport and draws interest from all walks of life.
This sounds like a good premise for a comedy – a clash of cultures if you like, that’s a great source of humour much like in The Dish or Crocodile Dundee.
One big problem with this premise though is the lack of conflict and action. The American guy travels down under, competes (either wins or looses) and goes home. What’s standing in his way? What will he do to better the chances of achieving his goal? The answers to these questions will make up most of act 2 and need to be hinted at in the logline.
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