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When an alien hunts a woman, she must stop the alien and save the ones captured by him.
Agreed with Craig and Richiev, worth noting that a story should be described within a given time frame - a starting point (inciting incident) and end point (goal). By writing "...an alien hunts a woman..." you're not describing a single incident or point in time rather a period of time - how long haRead more
Agreed with Craig and Richiev, worth noting that a story should be described within a given time frame – a starting point (inciting incident) and end point (goal). By writing “…an alien hunts a woman…” you’re not describing a single incident or point in time rather a period of time – how long has the hunt been going on for and how long will it go on for?
Best to use more time specific rhetoric in a logline such as: After an alien attacks a woman…
See lessWhen terrorists kill the best friend of Elliot Ross, a troubled Yeshiva-grad, he must decide between building a future with the girl of his dreams, or seeking out revenge on those he deems responsible, even if it means losing it all.
Agreed with the above notes. I'd also remove the Yeshiva description - it adds little to the plot. He can indeed be a Yeshiva grad in the script but for the logline purposes, it is less relevant. If anything I'd describe his character as an academic in this way his obstacle will be greater. That saiRead more
Agreed with the above notes.
I’d also remove the Yeshiva description – it adds little to the plot. He can indeed be a Yeshiva grad in the script but for the logline purposes, it is less relevant. If anything I’d describe his character as an academic in this way his obstacle will be greater. That said I’m not sure how a religious studies graduate will actually be able to catch the bad guys – what skills does he have that enable him to complete his mission?
See lessA womanizer music mogul, finds himself wrapped up in a sexual abuse scandal after finding true love with a beautiful singer who shapes him into a better man.
The obstacle is vague. What is the moral dilemma? In what way will he have to choose between the relationship and career? The specifics of how the career and relationship clash need to be described because as it is now, that doesn't make much sense - why will they be a problem? Does he have to fly aRead more
The obstacle is vague. What is the moral dilemma? In what way will he have to choose between the relationship and career? The specifics of how the career and relationship clash need to be described because as it is now, that doesn’t make much sense – why will they be a problem? Does he have to fly away and leave the woman he loves?
Also, is he innocent or guilty? Either way, it needs to be stated, and it’s worth noting that if he is guilty I’m not sure that the audience would care much for his story.
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