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When a bitter war-veteran befriends a rough sixteen-year-old girl they discover a common sense of hopelessness, however, when she becomes indebted to a sleazy drug dealer, he must rediscover the war-hero within to save her.
Agreed with DPG. It reads similar to Taxi Driver, not sure if that was intentional or not but it does. Her becoming indebted sounds like the inciting incident if so you could restructure the logline so it starts with that. However, her debt seems like an uncompelling event for the MC, why not changeRead more
Agreed with DPG.
It reads similar to Taxi Driver, not sure if that was intentional or not but it does. Her becoming indebted sounds like the inciting incident if so you could restructure the logline so it starts with that. However, her debt seems like an uncompelling event for the MC, why not change it so she is the MC?
I find that her story is more interesting than his – how she ended up on the streets, how she got mixed up in drugs and how she will pull herself out of that life, these all make her story rather interesting.
See lessJust a thought.
When two inmates realise that no one is on their side, together they must navigate an uneasy friendship to set each other free.
Agreed with Paul. I'll add that prison break plots have many tropes, chief among them is the trigger that forces the MC to have to break out - an abusive warden, a denial of justice, or a dying loved one. What motivates these characters to have to escape?
Agreed with Paul.
I’ll add that prison break plots have many tropes, chief among them is the trigger that forces the MC to have to break out – an abusive warden, a denial of justice, or a dying loved one.
What motivates these characters to have to escape?
See lessDenied life insurance benefits after her partner dies, an unemployed chef must unravel a diabolical link between the insurance company, a genetic testing company, and a popular internet search engine before she and her unborn child become their next victims.
Agreed with Foxtrot25. There are too many moving parts in this one concept, and most of them seem unrelated to each other. It also reads as if the threat to her and the baby is what really motivates her to take action, why not start the logline with that as the inciting incident?
Agreed with Foxtrot25.
There are too many moving parts in this one concept, and most of them seem unrelated to each other.
It also reads as if the threat to her and the baby is what really motivates her to take action, why not start the logline with that as the inciting incident?
See less