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While restoring an abandoned ski-lodge, a group of adrenaline-junkie ex-soldiers take sides in a secret war between a legendary creature and mysterious trappers determined to hunt it into extinction. Action/Horror
Agreed with Foxtrot25. The description of them being soldiers adds to the concept as it gives them a set of skills that would believably work to their advantage. I'll add that the logline would benefit from describing a single main character. Who of the group takes center stage? Who has the most actRead more
Agreed with Foxtrot25.
The description of them being soldiers adds to the concept as it gives them a set of skills that would believably work to their advantage.
I’ll add that the logline would benefit from describing a single main character. Who of the group takes center stage? Who has the most active role? And who of them changes the most over the course of the story?
I’d also change the inciting incident description to ‘When caught in the crossfire between a legendary creature and a group of mysterious trackers…’
The back story is irrelevant in the logline.
See lessJC a 10-year-old boy genius in Outback Australia overcomes life’s endless hardships and grows into a man solving his community’s problems using his great intellect. In the process, he becomes the towns, Wet and Dry Goods Merchant, Pharmacist, Dentist, Optometrist, Mayor, Honorary Anesthesiologist, and romances his Childhood sweetheart along the way.
Agreed with DPG and Foxtrot25. Even true stories need to be adapted for the screen, in other words, you'll need to take liberties with the 'facts' and change them to best fit a script. Is there one thing that he did that stood out from the rest? Or one thing he did that he is best known for? If not,Read more
Agreed with DPG and Foxtrot25.
Even true stories need to be adapted for the screen, in other words, you’ll need to take liberties with the ‘facts’ and change them to best fit a script.
Is there one thing that he did that stood out from the rest? Or one thing he did that he is best known for? If not, is there something you can make up as a seminal achievement?
On a side note, dyslexia is NOT a flaw. Most dyslexia is a result of a different brain structure to the norm, it’s not something the main character can overcome or control but learn to work within his or her life. I should know as I was diagnosed with Dyslexia and have been struggling with it for years, yet at the same time, my brain’s unique information processing has given me some advantages.
See lessA young aid worker learns humanity has been manipulated for aeons. He must learn control time to save humanity and the people he loves.
Happysnapper, This, much like the other versions, still lacks stakes, a logical connection between the character descriptions and premise, a clear description of the actions the MC will take and one goal. I'm not sure what the point is of posting another version of the same concept when all the commRead more
Happysnapper,
This, much like the other versions, still lacks stakes, a logical connection between the character descriptions and premise, a clear description of the actions the MC will take and one goal.
I’m not sure what the point is of posting another version of the same concept when all the comments given to the previous versions still apply. It is very strongly suggested that you study ALL the MANY notes you’ve already received on other threads dedicated to the same concept before drafting your next version.
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