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A lovesick student turns down his dream-intership to travel to Hong Kong to meet his holiday romance, but after he loses his phone he has to figure out other ways of finding her within 12 hours before he flies back again. (Note: it’s a short film concept)
Agreed with Foxtrot25 and DPG, this has very low stakes. Perhaps it's the shortcoming of the genre for someone like myself, but it seems as though,?to his own detriment, he's a hopeless romantic. His flaw appears to be that he's naive and lacks a sense of priority, does he change by the end of the sRead more
Agreed with Foxtrot25 and DPG, this has very low stakes.
Perhaps it’s the shortcoming of the genre for someone like myself, but it seems as though,?to his own detriment, he’s a hopeless romantic. His flaw appears to be that he’s naive and lacks a sense of priority, does he change by the end of the story? Or does he remain the romantic he was at the start?
See lessAn engineer of peace have to lead war against the machines when the established, human safe heaven on mars gets threatened by the past.
This strongly resembles The Terminator premise - this will be a tough sell. In any event, the details need clarification. What specific event pushes the MC to need to defeat the robots? Did they kill his mother, lover or friend? Did they land an invasion force on Mars? Whatever it is that made him hRead more
This strongly resembles The Terminator premise – this will be a tough sell.
In any event, the details need clarification. What specific event pushes the MC to need to defeat the robots? Did they kill his mother, lover or friend? Did they land an invasion force on Mars?
Whatever it is that made him have to take action, it needs to be clearly described in the logline.
The MC leading a war is too vague and unspecific. What does the MC want? Peace with the robots? To destroy them all? To change the source code in their central computer? Whatever it is he wants to do, or in other words, his goal also needs to be clearly described in the logline.
See lessWhen a peaceful political activist meets a mysterious supporter, he resolves to violence to accomplish his goals.
Good notes by DPG. It seems as if the MC needs to be pushed into a corner so as to make him need to cross his ethical lines - make him an offer he can't refuse... Consider Kevin Costner's character, Eliot Ness, from The Untouchables. His mentor tries to explain to him that he can't think like a copRead more
Good notes by DPG.
It seems as if the MC needs to be pushed into a corner so as to make him need to cross his ethical lines – make him an offer he can’t refuse…
Consider Kevin Costner’s character, Eliot Ness, from The Untouchables. His mentor tries to explain to him that he can’t think like a cop and abide by the rules if he wants to catch the bad guys. Eliot ignores this advice and sticks to his code anyway, which of course results in a miserable failure. Only after the bad guys threaten his family, and the mentor,?with his dying breath, repeats his advise – What are you willing to do? Eliot crosses the line he was so reluctant to before.
Point is, you need to build a case for the MC to change so drasticlly. This is your moral dilemma that causes a dramatic conflict within the character, it needs to be a big deal for the character not just an easy stepping stone along the way to achieving his goal.
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