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An inspiring chronicle of a novice biker girl’s 3,000- mile long solo heroic Motorbike quest to win her inspirational nomad soul mate.
I hate to be THAT guy, BUT...I don't find this interesting, nor do I think it has a story worthy problem/dramatic need. I have to also add that, while harsh, this is my honest opinion which is genuinely intended as constructive feedback.As it stands, the logline lacks motivation aside from getting tRead more
I hate to be THAT guy, BUT…
I don’t find this interesting, nor do I think it has a story worthy problem/dramatic need. I have to also add that, while harsh, this is my honest opinion which is genuinely intended as constructive feedback.
As it stands, the logline lacks motivation aside from getting the boy. This could work as a girl meets boy love story, but since it’s currently labeled an adventure story the actions simply arn’t enough.
Even if you were to change the genre to romance, establish a motivating event and a clear goal – meet the boy, fall in love now she must get the boy. What will act 2 look like? Her riding the bike, then riding some more, then riding some more… What’s the obstacle? Where is the conflict going to come from? What’s the end game? How will the camera know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she got the boy in the end? Is there a meeting point, a homestead he lives in?
The closest film I can think of to this, which succeed in recent years, is Into The Wild. However, that was a man V nature survival based on a true story. If the same is true in this case you need to mention it in the logline, if not, I fail to see how this will elicit enough emotion and excitement in a reader to make them want to greenlight it.
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Agreed with Erica, The wording makes it hard to understand. What event specifically motivated the cop? Was it the original kidnapping? Why is he obsessing over this particular case? What does the cop specifically need to achieve? Is it to rescue the victim before she is killed?
Agreed with Erica,
The wording makes it hard to understand.
What event specifically motivated the cop? Was it the original kidnapping? Why is he obsessing over this particular case? What does the cop specifically need to achieve? Is it to rescue the victim before she is killed?
See less(Short) A down on his luck and jaded 20 something who robs a bank on Christmas eve meets a little girl who is convinced that an Old Man in the bank is Santa Claus.
First, I think you need to understand what a stake is - a bank robbery can't be a stake. Here is? a simple definition from Google: A sum of money or something else of value gambled on the outcome of a risky game or venture. The loot could be the stake, his freedom could be the stake but a robbery isRead more
First, I think you need to understand what a stake is – a bank robbery can’t be a stake. Here is? a simple definition from Google:
A sum of money or something else of value gambled on the outcome of a risky game or venture.
The loot could be the stake, his freedom could be the stake but a robbery is an action and therefore not a stake.
Secondly, there is no plot described in this logline, as such, I’m not sure what the story is.
Check out the Formula tab on the top bar to see what a logline needs to function well as a logline, in short, it needs to describe a plot by the use of n inciting event and goal. In this case, the logline is missing a clear inciting incident at the start – it alludes to the appearance of Santa Claus at the end but never specifies that this event motivates the robber to take action. The logline also lacks a clear goal, as a result of the girl’s revelation or the appearance of Saint Nick, what does the MC specifically need to achieve?
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