1. Posted: July 15, 2017In:

    On a morning jog a woman stumbles upon a dead body, afterward she is visited by spirits prompting her to dig into the past to uncover the sins of the town saints.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Agreed with Dkpough1, what is it she must achieve by the end of the story?It also sounds as if the inciting incident is the spirit visiting her not the discovery of the body, so you can cut the whole clause about the jog and discovery.Lastly, this doesn't sound like Noir, but more like a supernaturaRead more

    Agreed with Dkpough1, what is it she must achieve by the end of the story?

    It also sounds as if the inciting incident is the spirit visiting her not the discovery of the body, so you can cut the whole clause about the jog and discovery.

    Lastly, this doesn’t sound like Noir, but more like a supernatural thriller – you should consider changing the genre.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: July 15, 2017In:

    A twelve-year-old orphan and his uncle journey to another dimension, while battling monsters of Christmas legend, in order to unravel the mystery of the heritage hidden from them by a strange, ancient magic.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Hi Jessflower,This concept doesn't seem to describe a clear plot, which is the primary function a logline must fulfill.I think you may benefit from studying the 'Formula' tab on the top bar before attempting your next draft.In the meantime, here are a few pointers to get you started.An MC is best deRead more

    Hi Jessflower,

    This concept doesn’t seem to describe a clear plot, which is the primary function a logline must fulfill.

    I think you may benefit from studying the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar before attempting your next draft.

    In the meantime, here are a few pointers to get you started.

    An MC is best described by his or her flaw and or social/professional position. In this case, age seems less relevant than his flaw, so what is it the orphan must overcome?

    Secondly, there is no definitive start to the story. What is the one event that motivates the orphan to take action in the first place?

    Lastly, a plot needs a clear goal and “…unravel the mystery of the heritage…” is not one. What does unravel mean in practical terms? How will this be filmed by a camera? Is there one clear objective outer goal you can describe instead?

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: July 15, 2017In:

    That psychedelic drug would be developed by the person who cooked it getting to the highest purity range In the planet,in/on each individual will be processed differently and this is what alarms the person because it’d mean the reality on this world that the consumer is expiriencing COULD change.An entity would change it,anentity that uses the connection that occurs when the receptors in the brain receive the substance molecule(which can be related to all psychedelic drugs known to mankind including “the god’s molecule”) as it’s path to communicate with the person(man or woman). thriller/enhancer/ introspective/suspense (don’t think about stealing it or filtering it…this entity will know…I AM THE OWNER).

    Best Answer
    Neer Shelter Singularity

    I think this was posted by mistake as a new logline.Yunsa,Was this intended as a response to a post on a previous thread?If so, let me know and I'll delete this so you can post on the original thread.

    I think this was posted by mistake as a new logline.

    Yunsa,

    Was this intended as a response to a post on a previous thread?

    If so, let me know and I’ll delete this so you can post on the original thread.

    See less
    • 0