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A rapidly spreading sickness causes a suicidal teenager to put aside her intentions to save her loved ones.
Richiev nailed the main problem with this logline - the order of the descriptions.Think of a logline as an easy to understand description of the main sequence of events in your story.About the latest draft of the logline on this thread, it is too long, the MC description makes it hard to empathize wRead more
Richiev nailed the main problem with this logline – the order of the descriptions.
Think of a logline as an easy to understand description of the main sequence of events in your story.
About the latest draft of the logline on this thread, it is too long, the MC description makes it hard to empathize with her and the goal is vague.
Loglines are best kept between 25 and 30 words, this forces you to refine the concept to the primary plot in your story (it also makes it far easier for a reader to grasp).
Secondly, if your main character is crazy and suicidal it is hard to believe she can do anything especially take care of herself much less others. As pointed out by DPG and Foxtrot25, her being suicidal is a problem. Yes, there have been good characters in successful films that were suicidal but not many, to that matter, most of them had depression as defining characteristic not necessarily suicidal thoughts, perhaps best to redefine her as depressed instead. Suicidal characters can be written well but are harder to pull off and sell.
Lastly, define what it is she needs to achieve as an event that will clearly frame her actions in a finite amount of time. Prevent others from breaking quarantine can go on for a very long time, what is it she must do that will make it clear beyond doubt that she has achieved her objective?
See lessA young guy starts an small scale enterprise instead of going with the regular job after his graduation, but as his enterprise starts making profits he realizes the large scale enterprise wants to crush his firm.
Agreed with the above, a lack of detail and goal make this logline fall short of its calling. As with your other loglines, best you study the 'Formula' tab to learn more about loglines.
Agreed with the above, a lack of detail and goal make this logline fall short of its calling.
As with your other loglines, best you study the ‘Formula’ tab to learn more about loglines.
See lessA young man and a woman are chosen by nature to give birth to the 10th Avatar of lord Vishnu i.e. the Kalki Avatar. But before that they have to undergo 10 severe tests set by the nature to make them strong and worthy of the task.
So is the story about them pushing through the trials in the lead up to the 'grand shtup'? Or is it about them being selected for the 'big bonk' and accepting the challenges it intails? Or is the story going to cover them being selected, going through the trials, hanky-panky, and give birth? It sounRead more
So is the story about them pushing through the trials in the lead up to the ‘grand shtup’? Or is it about them being selected for the ‘big bonk’ and accepting the challenges it intails? Or is the story going to cover them being selected, going through the trials, hanky-panky, and give birth?
It sounds like the most interesting part is them facing the trials together – it’s the part of the story that has the most obstacles for them to overcome.
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