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Mahi doesn’t return to the college after her summer internship and everyone blames her classmate Abhinav who used to stalk her for her drop out, so guilt ridden Abhinav takes a journey to convince Mahi not to drop out because of him, but in this journey he discovers darker and shocking secrets of Mahi.
No need to mention the character names in the logline, best to describe them instead. I suggest you read the 'Formula' tabon the top bar to learn how loglines are structured. A few helpful tips to get you started: Describe one MC it sounds like the guy (Abhinav) is your MC focus the logline on his PRead more
No need to mention the character names in the logline, best to describe them instead. I suggest you read the ‘Formula’ tabon the top bar to learn how loglines are structured.
A few helpful tips to get you started:
Describe one MC it sounds like the guy (Abhinav) is your MC focus the logline on his POV, in other words, what events motivate him and what he must do to achieve his goal.
If you describe him as a stalker, it will be very hard to raise the audience empathy for him.
Getting Mahi to come back to school seems rather lack luster a goal. What else does he do and what is his objective goal?
See lessI thought about replacing the ‘Romeo and Juliet’ play with a self-written play. “When he meets an exchange student, a socially awkward nerd joins the university play to win the lead role and have his first kiss ever with his crush before she returns to her home country.”
The inciting incident is mundane, best you describe it as a significant event instead. After falling in love at first sight, a... The MC description doesn't give him an obstacel that directly relates to the obstacle he will face - I know many actors who are socially awkward, yet on stage they shine.Read more
The inciting incident is mundane, best you describe it as a significant event instead.
After falling in love at first sight, a…
The MC description doesn’t give him an obstacel that directly relates to the obstacle he will face – I know many actors who are socially awkward, yet on stage they shine.
How about you make him an introvert.
Here is my try:
See lessAfter falling in love at first sight with an exchange drama student, an introvert auditions for the part of Romeo so he can kiss his Juliet in the school play before she moves back to her home country.
Rework: After an interstellar super-freighter goes missing and crew are murdered, an exasperated Homicide Investigator must overcome personal and professional obstacles to solve the whole case.
The logline seems vague in its descriptions. What does "...must overcome personal and professional obstacles..." mean? How will this propel the plot forward? More importantly, why MUST he overcome this stuff in order to solve the case? Lastly, in all the versions you've posted of this cocnept I stilRead more
The logline seems vague in its descriptions.
What does “…must overcome personal and professional obstacles…” mean? How will this propel the plot forward? More importantly, why MUST he overcome this stuff in order to solve the case?
Lastly, in all the versions you’ve posted of this cocnept I still can’t see how a cop solving a criminal case is story worthy? What sets this apart from all the other cop chasing criminal movies? You would need to tie in a personal stake for the MC, cliche as it may be, a stakes character would do you a world of good here. Could his brother or sister have been a member of the crew?
See less