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What happened to the logline?
What happened to the logline?
See lessAll the King’s Women- When they become fed up with being one of the king’s many “fair maidens”, three wenches conspire to kill him, but when the queen dies and the king announces his plan to remarry, the three turn on each other as they vie to be the next lady of royalty.
As a base for comedy this sound interesting, however, the wording is confusing. The conspiracy to kill the king adds confusion and seems unrelated to the 'A' plot. I also think the conflict is unclear. Comedy, much like drama, needs conflict to work well. Perhaps best you pin all three concubines agRead more
As a base for comedy this sound interesting, however, the wording is confusing. The conspiracy to kill the king adds confusion and seems unrelated to the ‘A’ plot.
I also think the conflict is unclear. Comedy, much like drama, needs conflict to work well. Perhaps best you pin all three concubines against each other.
My try:
After the queen dies, three concubines sabotage each other’s attempts to appeal to the king as his new wife.
One question though, would concubines be eligible to marry into royalty? If not, perhaps they could be three single dutchesses instead of concubines.
See lessAfter discovering he is not the sole orphaned victim of an inhuman creature that took his parents years ago, a college student must piece together how the orphans are connected before the creature strikes again.
Not sure what the story is from the logline. What specific event motivates the orphan to find out the truth? You describe it as if his discovery that there are more like him motivated him but I'm not sure how or why? Could something else have happned that would be a powerfull motivating event? Also,Read more
Not sure what the story is from the logline.
What specific event motivates the orphan to find out the truth? You describe it as if his discovery that there are more like him motivated him but I’m not sure how or why? Could something else have happned that would be a powerfull motivating event? Also, it reads as if he wants to kill the creature (“…before the creature strikes again.”) best to specify this. If that’s not the case, how will he make sure it doesn’t strike again?
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