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While the country is being swept by an epidemic where the people are gradually fading away from existence, a struggling poet tries to compose an ode to his amnesic father, but must deal with his overbearing mother who is hell bent on sending him abroad to escape from this fate.
It's hard to understand the plot from this logline. What is it the MC must acheieve? You describe him as a poet wanting ot write a poem, but what's the worst that will happen if he doesn't? Not much is the anwser, therefore his described goal isn't very compeling. What else can you give the MC as aRead more
It’s hard to understand the plot from this logline.
What is it the MC must acheieve? You describe him as a poet wanting ot write a poem, but what’s the worst that will happen if he doesn’t? Not much is the anwser, therefore his described goal isn’t very compeling.
What else can you give the MC as a goal? I suggest you mine the vanishing people problem, you could have him need to save a loved one or find a way to stop the phenomina all together.
See lessA detective struggles to find his partner?s killer uncovers other murders and two dirty cops on his trail and the possibility it was an inside job.
Consider restructuring the logline so it starts with the inciting incident and finishes on a clear goal. You describe the MC's descovariesin the story but not the MC's actions and goals. Also, posibilities should be left out of a logline - either it was an inside job or it wasn't. Best to be more deRead more
Consider restructuring the logline so it starts with the inciting incident and finishes on a clear goal. You describe the MC’s descovariesin the story but not the MC’s actions and goals.
Also, posibilities should be left out of a logline – either it was an inside job or it wasn’t. Best to be more definitive with story elements in a logline than indicative.
For example:
See lessAfter his partner is killed, a detective uncovers a plot by dirty cops and must prove their guilt to stop another murder.
Rework: When two cops, and a witness in a space piracy case, are murdered, the determined Homicide Detective must solve the piracy fraud to catch the killer and the fraud mastermind.
Russell. This draft hosts a number of the same fundimental problems present in the previous attempts. 1) You need a powerfully motivating incitin incident for a film, not a pedestrian daily event in the character's life. A detective's job is to solve crime. He or she being given a case to solve is nRead more
Russell.
This draft hosts a number of the same fundimental problems present in the previous attempts.
1) You need a powerfully motivating incitin incident for a film, not a pedestrian daily event in the character’s life. A detective’s job is to solve crime. He or she being given a case to solve is not an out of the ordinary event that forces him or her to take action – it’s simply another day on the job.
2) What is at stake? Why MUST the detective solve the crime? The word must carries with it a notation of stakes – must do this or else. Since the world is full of killers, pirates, and fraud criminals the ‘or else’ element is not clear in this concept. If you don’t have any major stakes on a social level then best to make this personal in some way for the main character.
3) If the MC is a homicide detective, why must he or she solve the piracy and fraud case? The logic connecting the objectives is vague.
4) You defined two goals: catch the killer and catch the fraud mastermind. Which is the primary goal? Only that should be described. If it’s the same person mention only that the killer needs to be caught.
See less