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When a desperate Wisconsin farm wife invites WWII Nazi POWs to work the family orchard, she brings the war home.
Many executives in Hollywood prefer scripts based on existing IP - a novel would be a great way to gain an executive's attention. However, the industry has its conventions, one of which is the dreaded logline and the other would be structure. Of all the events that happen to the main character whichRead more
Many executives in Hollywood prefer scripts based on existing IP – a novel would be a great way to gain an executive’s attention. However, the industry has its conventions, one of which is the dreaded logline and the other would be structure.
Of all the events that happen to the main character which one makes her want to invite the POWs to work on the farm?? Even if it isn’t in the book, think of expanding the story so it includes a single event that would motivate her to do this.
As a result of her letting the POWs on the farm, what need arises? In other words, what happens that makes her want to achieve a goal? Without a need, or goal, it will be a difficult sell.
See lessWhen a disillusioned hacker discovers that the world he accepts as real is a virtual simulation, he struggles to develop the power to liberate humanity from its enslavement to computers.
Good first draft, but I think it's lacking in Neo's action. As you wrote the hook is important in this case, but equally is what he does - "...strugles to develope the power...," is too vague and lacks in interest. Perhaps best to include ' the prophecy' so as to alude to the culture that has develoRead more
Good first draft, but I think it’s lacking in Neo’s action.
As you wrote the hook is important in this case, but equally is what he does – “…strugles to develope the power…,” is too vague and lacks in interest. Perhaps best to include ‘ the prophecy’ so as to alude to the culture that has developed outside of the VR world.
My try:
See lessAfter a disillusioned hacker discovers the world is a virtual simulation, he must fight the machines that have enslaved all of humanity, as told in a prophecy of the survivors.
A misanthropic social media influencer pursues an aspiring actress when he sees her as his potential wife from a fortunetelling cigar in hopes that she?ll revive his fading career.
Agreed with jumeriot.The logic holding the premise together is tenuous and the wording is confusing. Boiled down to its bare components, this is the story of a guy who falls for an actress - a love story, one-sided at the start but a love story none the less. As love stories go, the goal is to get tRead more
Agreed with jumeriot.
The logic holding the premise together is tenuous and the wording is confusing. Boiled down to its bare components, this is the story of a guy who falls for an actress – a love story, one-sided at the start but a love story none the less. As love stories go, the goal is to get the gal or guy, but you wrote that his goal is to revive his career and as a result, you have two goals competing for the one logline. Best you pick one: either revive his career or get the girl.
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