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  1. Posted: March 4, 2017In: Drama

    A rapier wielding Latina vigilante disrupts the plans of a drug and human trafficking gang that uses fake ICE vehicles and gear to kidnap undocumented Latinas.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on March 6, 2017 at 4:51 pm

    "...It?s show business?and it makes sense economically to develop stories that appeal to these demographics..."Good stories sell - women, men, white or black won't change that. As long as the writer serves the story they will serve the audience, specifying gender and race, unless critical to the ploRead more

    “…It?s show business?and it makes sense economically to develop stories that appeal to these demographics…”

    Good stories sell – women, men, white or black won’t change that. As long as the writer serves the story they will serve the audience, specifying gender and race, unless critical to the plot, serves no purpose in a logline. The audience won’t necessarily pay to see a movie because it has a Latina actor, writer, director or producer, but they will pay if they’re told by a friend or online that it’s a good story.

    As I mentioned above, the MC’s cultural heritage in this instance is related but not critical to the plot. My point was that a white person or Afro-American or Native American could all be the MC who saves people from slave traders – the ethnicity and gender are simply not relevant. However, if the MC was somehow personally connected to the kidnapping she is fighting then it could warrant a mention in the logline. Perhaps she herself or her family were taken by the gang years before. She needs to have a personal stake that resulted from her ethnicity in order for it to be mentioned in the logline.

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  2. Posted: March 5, 2017In: Fantasy

    A middle aged couple take their niece on a haunted ghost tour in hopes of reconnecting, only to sense the tour guide may not be a guide at all but a ghost.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on March 6, 2017 at 10:13 am

    Agreed with DPG. The premise lacks a coherent plot. I get what you're trying to do - set up a dramatic moment of realisation at the end to leave the viewer in awe, but I believe the audience will figure it out ahead of the characters and it won't pay off. More to the point, it's not dramatic as therRead more

    Agreed with DPG.

    The premise lacks a coherent plot. I get what you’re trying to do – set up a dramatic moment of realisation at the end to leave the viewer in awe, but I believe the audience will figure it out ahead of the characters and it won’t pay off. More to the point, it’s not dramatic as there was no real need established in connection with the ghost.

    I suggest you consider a plot instead of a setup and dramatic payoff paradigm, even if it is as simp as a survival plot like the ghost trapping them and the niece taking charge in their fight to escape.

    If you were to pick one character as the protagonist who would it be?

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  3. Posted: March 5, 2017In: Drama

    After an unsuccessful, drug-abusing reality-tv producer travels to a small Oklahoma town to see her recently-widowed Grandmother, she joins a backwater group of amateur cold-case investigators and becomes determined to solve a legendary local murder rumored to have been perpetrated by her own family.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on March 6, 2017 at 10:03 am

    Too long. Best you re draft this in under 30 words. Why does she decide to solve the case? What is the inciting incident that motivates her to take action?

    Too long. Best you re draft this in under 30 words.

    Why does she decide to solve the case? What is the inciting incident that motivates her to take action?

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