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Retreating from life after a tragedy, a detective on temporary leave finds out that recent murders are linked to his estranged wife and must help bring her to justice.
Agreed with the above.Also, what is different about this detective story from pretty much all the rest? There have been so many murder solving detective stories over the years that I can't see this standing out in any way? The point that the killer is his wife doesn't add enough originality to warraRead more
Agreed with the above.
Also, what is different about this detective story from pretty much all the rest? There have been so many murder solving detective stories over the years that I can’t see this standing out in any way? The point that the killer is his wife doesn’t add enough originality to warrant the concept, once you get past that (in one scene) it becomes a run of the mill killer chasing cop story.
See lessA rapier wielding Latina vigilante disrupts the plans of a drug and human trafficking gang that uses fake ICE vehicles and gear to kidnap undocumented Latinas.
Agreed with Dkpough1. I think the logline is vague and needs to focus on the details of the story at hand, and only if necessary describe her backstory. What got my attention was the rapier-wielding vigilante part - I love a good sword fight. I don't care about the MC's gender or race, I do care aboRead more
Agreed with Dkpough1.
I think the logline is vague and needs to focus on the details of the story at hand, and only if necessary describe her backstory. What got my attention was the rapier-wielding vigilante part – I love a good sword fight.
I don’t care about the MC’s gender or race, I do care about their story. Gender and race should only play a part in the logline if they are crucial to the plot. In this instance, the MC is fighting human trafficking from Latin America, as such, her being Latin American is relevant but not crucial to the plot. Perhaps best to specify that she is a former slave trade escapee, this way the freedom fighting aspect of her story becomes personal and justifies mentioning her cultural background in the logline.
I would also drop the drug smuggling detail, best to hone in on the principle actions in the story – her fighting human trafficking. If you mention the drugs it comes across as if she is fighting drug smuggling as well and that dilutes her plot.
See lessWhen faced with the agony of getting jobs after graduation, a hapless hair metal band goes on the road trip from hell for a shot at a huge record deal but a jaded former classmate works for the label and will stop at nothing to see them flop.
Why MUST they get a record deal? Most bands and musicians want a record deal, what is different about this band that makes their story of getting a record deal worth telling? In other words, what is the specific event that motivates them to take action in order to get the record deal? Secondly, whatRead more
Why MUST they get a record deal? Most bands and musicians want a record deal, what is different about this band that makes their story of getting a record deal worth telling? In other words, what is the specific event that motivates them to take action in order to get the record deal?
Secondly, what is at stake? So what if they don’t get the deal, what’s the worst that will happen? Much like many other bands they’ll all get jobs and move on with their lives?
The jaded classmate can be cut, he isn’t presenting any SPECIFIC obstacles in the logline – “…will stop at nothing…” means nothing, as it doesn’t describe and specific event or action. However, if he were to be in a rival band who are also targeting a record deal with the same label then the obstacle is made clear.
For example:
After their lead singer is diagnosed with throat cancer, a metal band have one a month to score a record deal before he loses his voice forever.
This isn’t very good but it illustrates the idea that as a result of a single event the main characters became motivated to take action in pursuit of a single goal. You could make it terminal cancer so he will die instead of just lose his voice and the same applies only a bit more morbid.
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