Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
A post-Christchurch earthquake troubled teenager faces the choice of remaining in her accident-induced coma and the fantasy world she has created, or finding a reason to return to her beloved broken city.
Agreed with DPG. I'll add that the wording needs to change as it is unclear and therefore confusing. I suggest changing the opening clause to: In a post-earthquake Christchurch a comatose teen must...
Agreed with DPG.
I’ll add that the wording needs to change as it is unclear and therefore confusing.
I suggest changing the opening clause to:
In a post-earthquake Christchurch a comatose teen must…
See lessWhen a modest, hard-working father discovers his daughter is dying, he approaches his corrupt uncle to help him find money for her treatments.
Agreed with DPG. Also, a good premise will require less adjectives in the logline. It's through the MC's actions that the reader should be able to tell that they are a good guy or gal. What would be better to describe is the MC's character flaw, what is it he has to overcome during the story? LastlyRead more
Agreed with DPG.
Also, a good premise will require less adjectives in the logline. It’s through the MC’s actions that the reader should be able to tell that they are a good guy or gal. What would be better to describe is the MC’s character flaw, what is it he has to overcome during the story?
Lastly, best to describe the inciting incident as an event and sooner for example:
See lessAfter his daughter is diagnosed with terminal cancer a [good description] father must…
In 1990 a hapless hair metal band must make their way to Los Angeles for their chance at rock n roll stardom but a weaselly label exec and hot new music fads stand in their way.
This version shares the same problems as the more recent one:This is too vague.You need to describe specifically what the inciting incident is;What does ??new music fads stand in their way?? mean? What is the specific event in which they do that?You also need to describe specifically what the goal iRead more
This version shares the same problems as the more recent one:
This is too vague.
You need to describe specifically what the inciting incident is;
What does ??new music fads stand in their way?? mean? What is the specific event in which they do that?
You also need to describe specifically what the goal is:
What does ??rock and roll stardom?.? mean in practical terms? What single objective do they need to achieve?
Lastly, why? What is at stake if they fail?