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when a freedom believer urges his tribe to be free, he gets caught by another tribe to be sold asa slave .
Agreed with the above comments.Not much to add other than loglines are best used for framing a plot, to that matter think of it as a statement that clearly defines the start (inciting incident) and end (goal) of a story. When you write descriptions such as "...when a freedom believer urges his tribeRead more
Agreed with the above comments.
Not much to add other than loglines are best used for framing a plot, to that matter think of it as a statement that clearly defines the start (inciting incident) and end (goal) of a story. When you write descriptions such as “…when a freedom believer urges his tribe to be free…” as the start of your story it doesn’t describe a specific event, and therefore doesn’t describe a good start point for your story – it’s vague.
See lessWhen a humiliated teen starts visualizing the true desires of any female he touches, he gets a chance to win the girl away from his Machiavellian rival.
There has been a lot of back and forth here about terminology, it's important to remember that terminology is just a way for us, as writers, to communicate with each other and it shouldn't dictate your structure or heavily influence your story choices. In other words, if you try to force a beat intoRead more
There has been a lot of back and forth here about terminology, it’s important to remember that terminology is just a way for us, as writers, to communicate with each other and it shouldn’t dictate your structure or heavily influence your story choices. In other words, if you try to force a beat into a story because it ‘has to be there’ according to a particular paradigm, you may end up adding elements that shouldn’t necessarily be in your story and ignoring others that should. Ultimately, writing terminology is a matter of perspective and its meaning highly depends on the user.
In this instance, I believe that you could benefit from expanding your story research. Blake Snyder is interesting and definitely offers good advice, however, Campbell and Vogler, i.e The Hero’s Journey can help give you a more comprehensive view (if you haven’t read them already that is). Your main character seems to lack a decisive path of growth, I don’t see how he evolves throughout the script from start to finish. Nick in What Women Want had a clear flaw – chauvanism, and his journey of growth was obvious as a result. What is the equivalent for your character?
The reason this is important is that it will define your MC’s call to adventure (The Hero’s journey), which is separate to the inciting incident. An inciting incident is an event that forces the MC to take action in pursuit of the outer goal, whereas the call to adventure is the story beat that will give the MC the opportunity to start his or her inner journey towards achieving their inner goal.
DPG’s definition of the inciting incident in What Women Want is correct for the inner journey, i.e according to my perspective, it’s his call to adventure. Yet Lars’ definition of the inciting incident – a rival woman getting the job he wanted, is also correct as the catalyst for achieving the outer goal. You need to choose which goal, inner or outer, you want to describe in your logline.
Most loglines describe the plot to achieve the outer goal and the inner journey is only hinted at by describing the character flaw. I personally find this to be the most efficient and widely used form for a logline. However, if you know that the people you’ll be pitching to will want to hear more about the character’s inner journey, perhaps best to draft a logline specifically for them that focuses on the character’s inner journey of transformation.
See lessWhen a humiliated teen starts visualizing the true desires of any female he touches, he gets a chance to win the girl away from his Machiavellian rival.
This concept seems to be suffering from a lack of cohesion across its components. As DPG wrote, the power needs to become an obstacle for his flaw and subsequently force him to evolve. You're interested in writing about someone who gains the ability to visualize women's real desires, now come up witRead more
This concept seems to be suffering from a lack of cohesion across its components. As DPG wrote, the power needs to become an obstacle for his flaw and subsequently force him to evolve.
You’re interested in writing about someone who gains the ability to visualize women’s real desires, now come up with a character who if he or she were to gain this ability would be forced to change.
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