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When a space trucker saves Elvis Presley from assassination he must return to Earth, a planet that abandoned him as a child, and recover Presley’s hidden time machine to prevent it from being used to destroy the galaxy.
There are three versions of the same logline in this one thread, I'll refer to the most recent iteration. There is a disconnect between the first half of the logline and the second half, as previously mentioned, a logline needs to illustrate the cause and effect relationship between the inciting incRead more
There are three versions of the same logline in this one thread, I’ll refer to the most recent iteration.
There is a disconnect between the first half of the logline and the second half, as previously mentioned, a logline needs to illustrate the cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and goal or risk confusing the reader.
When a reader first reads that Elvis is saved from an assassination it puts very specific ideas in the reader’s mind, such as Elvis befriending his new savior or that Elvis will appoint him to be his personal bodyguard. However, for the MC to then be made out to save the entire galaxy is entirely unexpected as it doesn’t logically flow on as a result of Elvis being saved. The two actions are being forced together into the one logline with no connection to each other.
A lack of cause and effect will render a logline unclear.
See lessA man raised in space, and taught how to be human by a Russian cyborg chimpanzee, must help Elvis Presley protect his time machine from a jealous alien hell-bent on destroying the galaxy.
I think you left out the AI system trying to destroy humanity - you certainly cover a lot of ground with sci-fi tropes...As Karel wrote, pair it down to an inciting incident and goal, I also suggest focusing on one sci-fi element at a time in the one logline.
I think you left out the AI system trying to destroy humanity – you certainly cover a lot of ground with sci-fi tropes…
As Karel wrote, pair it down to an inciting incident and goal, I also suggest focusing on one sci-fi element at a time in the one logline.
See lessWhen a chauvinistic advertising exec gets the ability to hear what women are really thinking, he gets a shot at outmaneuvering the woman who stole his job.
Hi Lars, Good attempt, but much like in the case of your own logline, this lacks a clear goal. "...outmaneuvering a woman..."? is vague as it could mean any number of things. You would need, as DPG demonstrated, to specify what it is he intends to do in order to outmaneuver her.
Hi Lars,
Good attempt, but much like in the case of your own logline, this lacks a clear goal. “…outmaneuvering a woman…”? is vague as it could mean any number of things. You would need, as DPG demonstrated, to specify what it is he intends to do in order to outmaneuver her.
See less