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When an engaged CEO has a reunion with her student friends, she meets her then-lover and they fall in love again, but she has to make a decision before leaving the town in four days.
As Richieve suggested, simplify the wording of the logline. Secondly, her decision is an internal action that will take very little time to make. The point is it's not cinematic enough to constitute a goal. What does she do as a result of the decision? Whatever she does achieve will be her goal andRead more
As Richieve suggested, simplify the wording of the logline.
Secondly, her decision is an internal action that will take very little time to make. The point is it’s not cinematic enough to constitute a goal. What does she do as a result of the decision? Whatever she does achieve will be her goal and needs to be specified in the logline.
See lessWhen a college-dropout moves to Montana to work at a Honky Tonk, he meets a broke cowgirl and falls in love, only to find out that they both compete at a local poetry slam contest for a literature scholarship and a new life.
Loglines are made from details - clear details.The first part of the logline is the back story and can be cut, the story really only starts after one of two incidents; either after they discover that they're competing against each other or after they fall in love.The choice of which event is the incRead more
Loglines are made from details – clear details.
The first part of the logline is the back story and can be cut, the story really only starts after one of two incidents; either after they discover that they’re competing against each other or after they fall in love.
The choice of which event is the inciting incident comes down to the genre, if this is a romance (as stated in the OP) then the inciting incident should be them falling in love. However, if this is a drama, then it should be the lovers’ discovery of their contradicting ambitions.
See lessYou could make it a romance story – the inciting incident of them falling in love, and then have their competition against each other as a complication, perhaps as a mid act 2 reversal.? But right now it reads as if them falling in love is a given part of the back story, not a main event of the main story.
After a robber kills his mother new years eve, a depressed scientist tries to convince his country that the only way to make the world a safer place for all would be to get rid of money.
Considering the latest draft of the logline in your response to DPG, there are a few logic flaws that can't be ignored. Even if all they do is establish a new political party and not run for the big job, they won't be able to bring about the momentous change your original logline stated.? However, iRead more
Considering the latest draft of the logline in your response to DPG, there are a few logic flaws that can’t be ignored.
Even if all they do is establish a new political party and not run for the big job, they won’t be able to bring about the momentous change your original logline stated.? However, if they do run for the presidency, even with 2 Billion dollars and droves of devoted fans Hillary still lost the election – how can these 2 penniless nobodies win?? It simply makes little sense.
Lastly, you didn’t specify in the last draft of the logline what their dream is, you need to state a clear goal – what is it that the MC must achieve?
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