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When his older brother is framed for a brutal murder. A 15yr old prodigy with incredible powers & abilities. Will unite with his “retired” criminal genius uncle. To stop a superhuman genius serial killer; who has a vendetta against the city’s elite.
Agreed with Craig, best to define a clear goal and inciting incident in the logline.How does the brother's arrest logically motivate him to fight the serial killer? I would think that if he knows his brother is innocent, he would try and free him or prove his innocence. If that is the ultimate goal,Read more
Agreed with Craig, best to define a clear goal and inciting incident in the logline.
How does the brother’s arrest logically motivate him to fight the serial killer? I would think that if he knows his brother is innocent, he would try and free him or prove his innocence. If that is the ultimate goal, it should be clearly stated as such.
Lastly, I find that good loglines use very little, if at all, adjectives to describe the events and characters. Words such as; brutal, incredible and genius, come across as attempts to heighten the stakes artificially. A good premise will have clearly understood heightened stakes, and require far less linguistic embellishment. I suggest you remove these words and heighten the stakes and motivation, this will also free up some precious logline real-estate.
See lessStreet level dealer wanting more from life plans to import her own product triggering kidnap, murder and a war she cannot survive.
I agree about the logline being able to communicate the plot without the need for the "redeeming factor" to be mentioned in it, that was just a side note that several members seemed to have thought of. I believe that's going to be a caveat in the concept, and these have been particularly helpful comRead more
I agree about the logline being able to communicate the plot without the need for the “redeeming factor” to be mentioned in it, that was just a side note that several members seemed to have thought of. I believe that’s going to be a caveat in the concept, and these have been particularly helpful comments on the matter – when the producer asks you the same questions we did, you’ll be happy to have thought about it ahead of time.? Not suggesting you didn’t on your own, but we would have not done right by you if we hadn’t raised it as an issue.
Likable character or not aside, the plot is vague. What is it she specifically MUST achieve, or else, and why now? I really don’t understand the specifics of the plot, before the sister gets kidnapped.
I think the concept would benefit from shifting the timing of the kidnap, what if the big bad boss kidnaps her sister on his own accord? This then forces her into action, gives her a clear goal and could enlighten her to the error of her ways and motivate her to get out of the business. I truly believe that would solve many of the fundamental problems in this concept.
As for “…prejudices”… and disliking characters, I won’t dignify either of these comments with a response.
All the best.
See lessA perfectionist Youtube star’s page views plummet when she falls for a hang loose gamer geek. Their PDA insecurities and her scheming manager threaten to ctrl+alt+delete their dreams to go public with their “In a relationship” status.
I see two problems with this concept, the first is in the approach the second in the stakes/actions. The first: In order to develop a concept of any kind, you need to understand the conventions of said medium. In in this instance, it appears that you're trying to develop a concept for a film. If thiRead more
I see two problems with this concept, the first is in the approach the second in the stakes/actions.
The first:
In order to develop a concept of any kind, you need to understand the conventions of said medium. In in this instance, it appears that you’re trying to develop a concept for a film. If this is the case, it wold be in your interest to comply with what the industry needs in order for it to get produced. Your definition of loglines, formulaic and none formulaic, is flawed. The reason being that either a logline is a logline or it is something else, formulaic or not – the lines you wrote in your last post were not loglines.
Loglines are tools invented by the film industry ~100 years ago. They are intended to fulfil very specific functions in the production process. The first is to pitch the concept via plot, the second is to help writers/producers structure the plot. As implied in its function, a logline needs to describe the plot. Without an inciting incident, a main character, motivation and goal there is no plot. Therefore, the only “type” of logline that exists is one that describes a plot, anything else could be a tagline, short description or any other definition you choose. There are slight differences in using loglines to pitch a TV pilot, but that’s a different medium altogether.
Not meaning to sound facetious, but I strongly suggest you learn logline conventions, a good place to start is with the Training tab on the top bar of this website. Another good thing to do is read through the many good and bad loglines posted on this site already.
The second:
See lessThe stakes aren’t clear/high enough. Even if there is a big deal coming through that is put at risk, she comes across as callous if she’s willing to lose her true love for it – a possible character flaw. However, all she has to do is decide between being with the man she loves or retaining her views. This couldn’t possibly take up an entire second act worth of action, it’s a decision and no more, and plots are made up of action in the pursuit of goals. These actions are not the act of deciding in its own right but are taken as a result of a decision, so my question is; providing the above is correct, what does she actually do during the film and what does she stand to lose if she does and what does she stand to lose if she doesn’t?