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A perfectionist Youtube star’s page views plummet when she falls for a hang loose gamer geek. Their PDA insecurities and her scheming manager threaten to ctrl+alt+delete their dreams to go public with their “In a relationship” status.
The logline is very hard for me to understand. It could be that you're using too many slang terms and IT industry insider phrasing.The MC is the Youtube star, and the inciting incident is her falling in love. What is a "...hang loose gamer geek..."? Why is this a problem? What is at stake? What is PRead more
The logline is very hard for me to understand. It could be that you’re using too many slang terms and IT industry insider phrasing.
The MC is the Youtube star, and the inciting incident is her falling in love. What is a “…hang loose gamer geek…”? Why is this a problem? What is at stake? What is PDA insecurities? What does “…ctrl+alt+delete their dreams to go public …” mean? What is her goal? If she and the gammer are in love she got the guy, what’s then the ensuing problem?
See lessStreet level dealer wanting more from life plans to import her own product triggering kidnap, murder and a war she cannot survive.
If she cannot survive it what's the point? Perhaps a big war she must fight would be better. Not sure how you could make a total scum bag like that likable enough for the audience to care about what happens to her. Best not to bring up the by now cliche case of Walter White, his character was an anoRead more
If she cannot survive it what’s the point? Perhaps a big war she must fight would be better.
Not sure how you could make a total scum bag like that likable enough for the audience to care about what happens to her. Best not to bring up the by now cliche case of Walter White, his character was an anomaly and the story was meticulously layered with many redeeming factors in the first season. Not forgetting that his story (the part of it we still liked and cared what happened to him) spanned the entirety of season one, if not two as well.
Never the less if you do find a good way to make the audience care about her, what is her ultimate goal? And what started the story, as she plans on doing something but what actually happens that kick starts her into action? What’s the inciting incident?
See lessGeeart1
Many good points made by Dkpough1 and DPG, worth studying this thread in more detail. However, I'd like to add a few more helpful pointers to the mix. You seem to be attached to this description:? "...The world is on the verge of making technological advances that will dramatically effect everythingRead more
Many good points made by Dkpough1 and DPG, worth studying this thread in more detail.
However, I’d like to add a few more helpful pointers to the mix. You seem to be attached to this description:? “…The world is on the verge of making technological advances that will dramatically effect everything and everyone worldwide…”
I presume you mean that scientists and organizations, worldwide, are researching and developing technologies that have the potential to wreak havoc. If this is the case, can you specify the one scientist, or one company, that’s developing the most dangerous technology? This could be an inciting incident for the MC to take action – stop the technological development.
On a side note, as there is a lack of detail specified in the logline and you seem to be still developing the concept as a whole, have you considered a different medium?
See lessFilm requires you work within specific conventions, and to your admission you’re still living the story, which means these conventions may not be observed in these early stages of development. Seeing as you also want the audience to grow with you as the story develops, I think this would make for a good web series. In a web seires you can explore the narrative in any way you see fit, and find an audience that would appreciate it.