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An overconfident successful engineer creates a machine to venture inside a dying notorious murderer?s brain and walk in it like virtual reality, only to find himself lost in the man?s enigmatic mind, while he must escape before the man takes over his mind and body
The plot is unclear, what does the engineer have to achieve? What is his goal? What motivated him? to achieve it? What's the inciting incident? This logline is too long and describes too few story critical elements, I suggest you read the Training tab on the top bar for more information about loglinRead more
The plot is unclear, what does the engineer have to achieve? What is his goal? What motivated him? to achieve it? What’s the inciting incident?
This logline is too long and describes too few story critical elements, I suggest you read the Training tab on the top bar for more information about loglines.
See lessTwo overly curious high-schooler use their new found psychic power to investigate a flawlessly executed homicide, unknowingly by them that the murderer also possesses such prowess who uses it to hunt them down, which results in a run and chase in both physical and sub-conscious world.
Agreed with DPG. I'll add that the logline contains too many descriptions. In its current structure and length, it's hard to make out the plot and main character. Best you simplify the logline down to a clear description of a single course of action taken by a single main character, any subsequent rRead more
Agreed with DPG.
I’ll add that the logline contains too many descriptions. In its current structure and length, it’s hard to make out the plot and main character.
Best you simplify the logline down to a clear description of a single course of action taken by a single main character, any subsequent reactions? by other characters are unnecessary in the logline.
See lessAfter his best friend was used as a human sacrifice to protect a town from a mythical beast, a telepathic teenager must stop the cult from choosing his girlfriend next.
Well, he can't stop them from choosing her, but he can stop them from sacrificing her. How will he save her? How will his telepathy be tied into the plot? And shouldn't he want to put an end to the cult?
Well, he can’t stop them from choosing her, but he can stop them from sacrificing her.
How will he save her? How will his telepathy be tied into the plot? And shouldn’t he want to put an end to the cult?
See less