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When a man discovers his girlfriend?s heinous secret, he?s forced to turn her in before she strikes again. He creates an elaborate scheme centered around a romantic dinner, but realizes that she?s always a step ahead of him.
The causal connection between the initial discovery and his girlfriend is unclear, and further more, it seems impersonal. Why not make it so that someone close to him was a victim of the organ trafficking ring? This then motivates him to shut it down for the greater good and on a personal level. AsRead more
The causal connection between the initial discovery and his girlfriend is unclear, and further more, it seems impersonal. Why not make it so that someone close to him was a victim of the organ trafficking ring? This then motivates him to shut it down for the greater good and on a personal level.
See lessAs for the girlfriend’s involvement, I just don’t see the connection to her at this point. Is there something else you could add to clarify why she is needed in the plot, and subsequently the logline as well?
When a man discovers his girlfriend?s heinous secret, he?s forced to turn her in before she strikes again. He creates an elaborate scheme centered around a romantic dinner, but realizes that she?s always a step ahead of him.
Agreed with Richiev and DPG. I'll add that vague description in general works against loglines. It's the unique combination of specific detail that will make a logline, and subsequently, a concept work well. I think his emotional hang up is not enough, it may last for a scene or two but not a wholeRead more
Agreed with Richiev and DPG. I’ll add that vague description in general works against loglines. It’s the unique combination of specific detail that will make a logline, and subsequently, a concept work well.
I think his emotional hang up is not enough, it may last for a scene or two but not a whole film. Best if there was another reason for him to have to deal with her himself.
See lessWhen parts of his life, including memories of his late family, are erased, a black market memories dealer must retrieve his life backup file to restore his past.
I had the same problem as Richiev, BUT realised that if only a portion of the memories were taken there could be enough left for him to want to take action. I then searched for, and found, the word "...most...". So on face value yes the concept presents a logic flaw, but also an elegant workaround -Read more
I had the same problem as Richiev, BUT realised that if only a portion of the memories were taken there could be enough left for him to want to take action. I then searched for, and found, the word “…most…”. So on face value yes the concept presents a logic flaw, but also an elegant workaround – not sure that will necessarily fly with most executives though.
Perhaps best to specify that he is compelled to find the backup file, this way he could be driven by emotions instead of didactic reasoning.
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