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When her pack is stolen, a spirited Corinthian girl must reclaim it from thieves and the important letter within which she promised to deliver to Rome. (Possible script title: ‘Phoebe’)
I think the description of the inciting incident is misleading, and the wording a bit confusing. It wasn't the pack being stolen that started the story, rather the important letter within it. Secondly, as DPG asked, what is so important about this letter? Lastly, what is her flaw? Perhaps: After sheRead more
I think the description of the inciting incident is misleading, and the wording a bit confusing. It wasn’t the pack being stolen that started the story, rather the important letter within it. Secondly, as DPG asked, what is so important about this letter?
Lastly, what is her flaw?
Perhaps:
See lessAfter she is robbed, a scared Corinthian girl must retrieve a signed peace letter in her pack from the thieves in order to deliver it to Rome.
After a special forces operative witnesses experiments on soldiers & prisoners, he abandons a promising military career & returns to the quiet life. But when a deadly outbreak reeks of government conspiracy & threatens his family, he jumps into the fight to expose the culprits & track down the cure.
Good notes given above. I'll add that loglines are made up of specific detail, and descriptions such as "...struggles to preserve his humanity..." are too vague for a logline. What actions specifically does he do or not do when struggling to preserve his humanity? It's these that need to be in the lRead more
Good notes given above.
I’ll add that loglines are made up of specific detail, and descriptions such as “…struggles to preserve his humanity…” are too vague for a logline. What actions specifically does he do or not do when struggling to preserve his humanity? It’s these that need to be in the logline for it to make sense.
See lessIn Vichy Morocco, a nightclub proprietor risks all to save the woman he loves and her Resistance Leader husband from the Nazis
Rick's moral and emotional struggle is a hurdle, but his major obstacle is the Nazis.I believe that his inciting incident is Elsa's entry into his gin joint... and his goal is her safety. Sure, at first, he wants her for himself, and he still suffers from the pain of losing her in France. However, wRead more
Rick’s moral and emotional struggle is a hurdle, but his major obstacle is the Nazis.
I believe that his inciting incident is Elsa’s entry into his gin joint… and his goal is her safety. Sure, at first, he wants her for himself, and he still suffers from the pain of losing her in France. However, when she first walks into his bar, he realises she’s in trouble or at least in danger – his goal becomes her safety. Eventually, he realises her safety comes hand in hand with letting her go and the greater good of safeguarding Lazlo.
So:
See lessIn the midst of WW2 after his former lover shows up in his bar in Morocco, a former anti-fascist fighter must provide her and her resistance leader husband exit visas to Lisbon before the Nazis catch them.