1. Posted: October 7, 2016In:

    After his brother’s aircraft carrier is destroyed by a mysterious dirigible in the closing days of WW2, a conceited fighter-pilot leads a squadron of misfits to intercept the craft before it reaches its next target: London.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    The particulars of the weapon or vehicle that killed his brother can be cut from the logline - the plot is about the MC seeking revenge and preventing others from diening.? What made this interesting, for me anyhow, was that he leads a squadron of misfits -? his challenge is two-fold stop the killinRead more

    The particulars of the weapon or vehicle that killed his brother can be cut from the logline – the plot is about the MC seeking revenge and preventing others from diening.? What made this interesting, for me anyhow, was that he leads a squadron of misfits -? his challenge is two-fold stop the killing aircraft, and control a bunch of loose cannons.

    Why not imbue the aircraft’s description with mystery, and leave the details for the synopsis.

    My try:
    After his brother’s ship was drowned by a mysterious aircraft in WW2, a conceited fighter-pilot must lead a squadron of missfits to intercept the aircraft before it reaches London.

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  2. Posted: October 7, 2016In:

    After his son is mutilated by a legendary creature, a father must stop future deaths from happening only to learn that he has become the supernatural animan’s next target.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    This concept seems like many others in its genre, nothing really seems to hook a reader's attention in the logline. You're clearly aiming at writing a horror movie - great! This genre has been and will continue to be, a staple.? As such,? there are many tropes you can rely on to establish the particRead more

    This concept seems like many others in its genre, nothing really seems to hook a reader’s attention in the logline.

    You’re clearly aiming at writing a horror movie – great! This genre has been and will continue to be, a staple.? As such,? there are many tropes you can rely on to establish the particular type of horror – it looks like you’ve chosen super natural monster. It may be a good idea to look into as many supernatural horror movies as possible from the last 5 years, try and identify what was common amongst the successful ones. Then try and adjust your concept to include a hook that would draw more interest.

    This may not seem like very helpful advise, but when dealing with heavy genre concepts you must have a hook of some sort like; Cabin In the Woods, or an outstandingly original concept like; The Blair Witch Project (the original film). I don’t believe you have either yet…

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  3. Posted: October 6, 2016In:

    A temporary infection storms over the world. Eight strangers are trapped in a restaurant and start experiencing the outcomes of the infection. At each 15 minutes they trade bodies with each other, and their memories go back to when the infection started, leaving they unaware of who they really are.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    "...The proble is, we dont have a protagonist here..." - YUP! I strongly suggets you read the 'Training' tab on the top bar, your loglines lack crucial elements and are too long. In this case the plot becomes a device to trap a group of unsuspecting misfits together, and the stories that evolve as aRead more

    “…The proble is, we dont have a protagonist here…” – YUP!

    I strongly suggets you read the ‘Training’ tab on the top bar, your loglines lack crucial elements and are too long.

    In this case the plot becomes a device to trap a group of unsuspecting misfits together, and the stories that evolve as a result of their interpersonal conflicts are what make up the film.
    On face value this runs the risk of being melodramatic and appeal to a very small number of audiences. What made the Cube work so well was the constant risk to the characters lives – they could have been killed by an unknown force at any time, BUT they could equally escape the killing force with team work and their own smarts.

    In your case they are all infected and have nothing to do to stop the infection, there is no big but they could do this… So the audience havn’t got that glimmer of hope that they’ll get out of the situation unscathed in the end. The body swap element is confusing in my mind, not sure how it fits in with the plot or how it contributes to the story.

    Bottom line is: What is their goal? To survive, but how will they achieve it…?

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