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An aspiring horror filmmaker stumbles upon and films a fairy-tale copy-cat murder, but when no charges are pressed, he must try to stop another murder.
Agreed with DPG, when I read fairy-tale murder it conjured up strange... very strange images... Cinderella holding a piano wire etc... In addition to the above, why doesn't he tell the authorities what he witnessed? Or show them the footage he filmed? Surely that would get the police on the case, hoRead more
Agreed with DPG, when I read fairy-tale murder it conjured up strange… very strange images… Cinderella holding a piano wire etc…
In addition to the above, why doesn’t he tell the authorities what he witnessed? Or show them the footage he filmed? Surely that would get the police on the case, how could the killer not be persued?
See lessTisi is a young girl from a religious family that spends her entire time taking care of her mother, in coma for 7 years. Things start to get creepy as Tisi learns that her mother is being harrassed by misterious opponents.
Richiev gave you a good starting point for your next revision, but best you study the information in the Training tab up on the top bar for logline conventions. In answer to your question; Your describing two separate inciting incidents - her discovering she's pregnant and her discovering the mysterRead more
Richiev gave you a good starting point for your next revision, but best you study the information in the Training tab up on the top bar for logline conventions.
In answer to your question;
Your describing two separate inciting incidents – her discovering she’s pregnant and her discovering the mysterious beings. Which of these is the main one for the story as a whole?
I sounds as if her mother’s safty is her main concern, I therefore hold the need for her pregnancy in doubt as this inciting incidetn will require a separate goal and a separate sequence of actions. the story of her protecting her mother will remain unaffected if the preganancy is removed.
Lastly, “…mysterious…” is too vague a description for the antagonist. Best to describe them in a bit more detail – demons, gremlins or dead spirits. What ever you chose to use will describe the genre and will provide more information about the type of story/action in the film.
See lessA single mother wakes up one morning having forgotten the past 16 years and the circumstances of her husband’s disappearance. While she tries to find him, a vengeful cop implicates her for a murder.
The latest draft of the logline is a bit more streamlined in terms of events, but still lacks a compelling motivation and clear goal.The fact she can't remember the father's identity is really no biggie. What's the worst that will happen should she fail to find the father? Equally what's the best thRead more
The latest draft of the logline is a bit more streamlined in terms of events, but still lacks a compelling motivation and clear goal.
The fact she can’t remember the father’s identity is really no biggie. What’s the worst that will happen should she fail to find the father? Equally what’s the best that would happen if she does find the father? What does she stand to gain? Not much…
What will she do once she finds the father? What is the purpose of her search outside of identifying him?
Her stakes are low and goal unclear.
Lastly “…a vengeful cop…” is a vague description of a bad guy – vengeful about what? The whole murder investigation feels like a ‘tacked on’ plot point and unrelated to the story. Either make her struggling to prove her innocence in the murder investigation the A plot or drop it altogether.
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