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Imprisoned by a madman a teen must argue her survive twelve times in a game where the loser of each round is murdered
Good premise for a low budget contained thriller, but the details of the plot seem unclear.I strongly suggest re wording the logline to describe the plot with more clarity. Perhaps re think your descriptions from a different dramatic point of view specific to the MC?My try:After waking up in a cageRead more
Good premise for a low budget contained thriller, but the details of the plot seem unclear.
I strongly suggest re wording the logline to describe the plot with more clarity. Perhaps re think your descriptions from a different dramatic point of view specific to the MC?
See lessMy try:
After waking up in a cage a teen must win 12 rounds of a deadly game or be killed by the mad man who imprisoned her and the other 11 participants.
After a defenseless, young Arab prisoner is compelled to kill an informer for a Corsican mafia leader, he must connive to become a mafia leader himself to survive in a brutal, corrupt French prison.
I find "...compelled..." to be not as impactful as an inciting incident should be, perhaps; After his life is threatened by a Corsican Mafia boss a prisoner must... Are you trying to imply with the description "...Arab..." that he will face an added obstacle from bigotry as a result of his culturalRead more
I find “…compelled…” to be not as impactful as an inciting incident should be, perhaps; After his life is threatened by a Corsican Mafia boss a prisoner must…
Are you trying to imply with the description “…Arab…” that he will face an added obstacle from bigotry as a result of his cultural heritage? Is that critical to the plot? Could the logline do without the Arab description?? One more word that can go…
Lastly, what must he actually do to become the mafia leader himself? Will he kill the Corsican mafia boss? Will he bribe the prison guards? If it’s a series of actions he takes, what of those was the final one that made him become the big boss himself?
See lessWhen a teenager discovers she can walk into the graffiti worlds beyond the walls, she accidentally wakes the shadows that her Dad trapped years ago and she must now find a way to save a city and her Dad.
TV is best pitched with the pilot episode. What happens in the pilot will tell the producers what they can expect in subsequent episodes, and informs them about tone, style and theme.A writer would be best served by developing a strong concept and a great pilot draft - another argument for focusingRead more
TV is best pitched with the pilot episode. What happens in the pilot will tell the producers what they can expect in subsequent episodes, and informs them about tone, style and theme.
A writer would be best served by developing a strong concept and a great pilot draft – another argument for focusing a logline on the pilot ep.
So what happens in the pilot?
What is the MC’s goal in that particular episode?
In addition to a strong pilot and providing you have a season long narrative, you could write a logline for season one to help in a pitch. Taking bits and pieces out of your draft above, the Mc is the teen girl and her goal is to save the city.
See lessHere is my attempt:
After she accidently awakens a demonic monster her father trapped in a graffiti mural, a superstitious girl must travel into the world of the painting to defeat the creature and save her city.