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After deciding they are together for the long haul, recent college graduates and lovers, Wyatt and Emma, have their relationship tested as they move across the country for a job that doesn’t actually exist.
Good notes from Richiev and DPG. In addition, be more specific - does "?long haul?" ?mean married or defacto status? If so say it. More importantly what makes them start their journey together? Is it the job offer? If so why is this so significant to them??People get job offers all the time, how wasRead more
Good notes from Richiev and DPG.
In addition, be more specific – does “?long haul?” ?mean married or defacto status? If so say it.
More importantly what makes them start their journey together? Is it the job offer? If so why is this so significant to them??People get job offers all the time, how was this out of the ordinary and in what way did it shift the fine tune balance of their lives?
Lastly the most important element a logline needs is a goal, what is their goal? To save their relationship? To get jobs? To move? This needs to be made clear in the logline.
See lessA newly engaged woman realizes she spent all her childhood searching for love and no time making friends. Determined to ?have it all?, she sets out to find friends and discovers it?s much harder now as an adult.
Spent all her childhood searching for love - really? I personally don't buy that a kid searches for love, a teenager maybe but not a child. Secondly searching for love is not all that different to searching for friends - friends can love, platonic but still love. Point is, without getting into the pRead more
Spent all her childhood searching for love – really? I personally don’t buy that a kid searches for love, a teenager maybe but not a child.
Secondly searching for love is not all that different to searching for friends – friends can love, platonic but still love. Point is, without getting into the precise definitions of love, the logic falls apart. You need a different reason for her to not have friends.
Lastly the logline is too long, wordy and incorrectly structured. Mention only the events and details necessary for understanding the plot.
See lessFollow this formula:
After a significant event happens to a flawed character, he or she must take action to achieve a compelling goal.
After his divorce, a middle aged man needs a new lease of life. He achieves it by moving to a foreign country and changing his career.
Agreed with the above. Also his sea change needs an obstacle, once you've established the need to change places and careers make him encounter a reason to struggle for it.
Agreed with the above.
Also his sea change needs an obstacle, once you’ve established the need to change places and careers make him encounter a reason to struggle for it.
See less