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A retired couple’s tranquil life is shaken by the sudden death of their best friend. Now they must go on a road trip across Europe to scatter his ashes before the imminent birth of their first grandchild. A series of misadventures and encounters challenge their marriage and identities.
There is no clear single goal described in the logline.Either they want to save their marriage or their identities - only which ever one of these is the primary goal needs to be described in the logline. The events that precede this goal, according to the logline, don't logically necessitate this asRead more
There is no clear single goal described in the logline.
Either they want to save their marriage or their identities – only which ever one of these is the primary goal needs to be described in the logline. The events that precede this goal, according to the logline, don’t logically necessitate this as a goal. What specific event makes them need to save their marriage? Or what specific event makes them need to retain their identities?
See lessAfter an ex-police officer commits suicide, he finds that he must now spend his ‘life’ saving the lives of those who died before their time.
Agreed with all the above.Also the inciting incident is of his own doing, but good inciting incidents are thrust onto the MC. By having the event come from an external force the MC is made to take action to fix something that happened out of the ordinary, other wise if he caused it then it's not uneRead more
Agreed with all the above.
Also the inciting incident is of his own doing, but good inciting incidents are thrust onto the MC. By having the event come from an external force the MC is made to take action to fix something that happened out of the ordinary, other wise if he caused it then it’s not unexpected and mostly by his own fault – correcting this will only bring him back to a neutral state instead of being better off than he was before the inciting incident.
See lessA college student is left to pick up the pieces when his friend and roommate commits suicide, but when it’s discovered that he was hiding a secret past, he begins investigating. only to discover a dark secret about one of his professors that leads him to believe that it wasn’t suicide.
Agreed with DPG and Moses99.Also you use too many vague descriptions; "...pick up the pieces?", "...a secret past?", "...a dark secret?". These mean nothing in a logline, mostly because they could mean anything - a lack of specificity works against a logline, and will likely induce confusion over inRead more
Agreed with DPG and Moses99.
Also you use too many vague descriptions; “…pick up the pieces?”, “…a secret past?”, “…a dark secret?”. These mean nothing in a logline, mostly because they could mean anything – a lack of specificity works against a logline, and will likely induce confusion over intrigue.
Tell the reader what the story is, don’t leave it up to them to invent the story for you as they read. It’s the combination of a specific event and a character’s choice of action to that event that creates drama, not adjectives and certainly not vague ones.
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