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After his girl disappears, a vacationing underachiever must interfere in the last heist of a ruthless ageing crook hell-bent on capturing the girl he needs to finish the job.
Many moving parts in this logline but, as Moses99 said, few make sense.No need to mention vacation. Better to choose a different character description - characters with?no real goals in life are n inspiring and will likely bore an audience. If you want to imply that he learns to value goals, make hiRead more
Many moving parts in this logline but, as Moses99 said, few make sense.
No need to mention vacation. Better to choose a different character description – characters with?no real goals in life are n inspiring and will likely bore an audience. If you want to imply that he learns to value goals, make him depressed or scared.
Lastly describe in detail what he MUST achieve – kill the crook, have him arrested or save the girl and run. What ever it is it needs to be mentioned.
See lessWhen an impoverished single mom is diagnosed with cancer, her teenage son solicits treatment donations by attempting to break the Guinness World Record for continuous wakeboarding of 12 straight hours.
Agreed with DPG, perhaps best to make it that he must win a contest instead of rely on pledges and record breaking? I think it's safe to say that wakeboarding hasn't quite hit the mark, according to the other comments, have you considered other sports? Running could be far more applicable to an impoRead more
Agreed with DPG, perhaps best to make it that he must win a contest instead of rely on pledges and record breaking?
I think it’s safe to say that wakeboarding hasn’t quite hit the mark, according to the other comments, have you considered other sports? Running could be far more applicable to an impoverished family – all it will cost is the price of a pair of shoes. Just a thought as I believe that the inciting incident is sound, but the method to achieving the goal raises too many problems.
See lessA corrupt PR agent flees to his sleepy hometown after inheriting his father’s derelict hotel and unites with the mischievous ghost of his suicidal first guest to scare off a vindictive property developer.
I don't see a catalyst for the story in the logline. Inheriting a hotel doesn't sound like a highly motivating, if at all, event that would make him want to achieve a goal. The hotel would have to bare some form of personal stakes for the MC, or else why would he do anything outside of sell the propRead more
I don’t see a catalyst for the story in the logline. Inheriting a hotel doesn’t sound like a highly motivating, if at all, event that would make him want to achieve a goal. The hotel would have to bare some form of personal stakes for the MC, or else why would he do anything outside of sell the property for what it’s worth?
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