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When a young man takes a decision to marry against a will of his controlling and psychotic mother, his girlfriend mysteriously disappears.
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See lessWhen the soul of Al Capone takes over a small Indiana town, an outcast teenager must team up with his bully to find a way to return Capone to his ethereal prison.
The premise is unclear - what does it mean when Capone's soul takes over a town? Are the streets haunted with his ghost? Is there suddenly an underground alcohol smuggling business run by a ghost? What ever it is this is the inciting incident, and the way in which it impacts the MC needs to be clearRead more
The premise is unclear – what does it mean when Capone’s soul takes over a town? Are the streets haunted with his ghost? Is there suddenly an underground alcohol smuggling business run by a ghost? What ever it is this is the inciting incident, and the way in which it impacts the MC needs to be clear.
Secondly how does this impact the MC? I can’t see why an outcast teen MUST do something?as a result. If anything I would think that, considering it’s Al Capone, underaged people would be able to gain access to booze – most teenagers would be delighted?
See lessWhen a teenage girl is refused by her school girlfriends for still being a virgin, she decides to commit suicide when a sex offender kidnaps her.
The stakes don't stack up. School yard popularity ?v serial rape ???!!!!?You just can't compare the two. According to your description the plot should really be about her survival and helping the other prisoners, the backstory shouldn't even be mentioned in the logline. Description of her school friRead more
The stakes don’t stack up.
School yard popularity ?v serial rape ???!!!!?You just can’t compare the two.
According to your description the plot should really be about her survival and helping the other prisoners, the backstory shouldn’t even be mentioned in the logline. Description of her school friends, or lack thereof, should be delegated to the synopsis.
Here is an example of a logline with your subject matter and character:
See lessAfter a depressed teen is kidnapped by a serial rapist, she must lead all the other victims out of their prison to safety.