Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
When rape victim Jasmina James escapes her captor, it sparks a series of events that lead to the arrest of America’s most notorious black serial killer, Anthony Sowell.? Inspired by true events.
Best you read through the Training tab on the top bar to learn the basics of logline construction. You should describe a significant event in the life of a flawed protagonist who is motivated to achieve a goal. What you described in this logline is a situation involving many characters, but not a siRead more
Best you read through the Training tab on the top bar to learn the basics of logline construction.
You should describe a significant event in the life of a flawed protagonist who is motivated to achieve a goal. What you described in this logline is a situation involving many characters, but not a single goal driven plot – the primary function of a logline.
Secondly no need for the character names unless they are widely recognised such as; Jesus, Gandhi or Superman.
To help you focus your next draft, what did the rape victim do after escaping?
See lessWhat did she want? Was it revenge? To have the attacker arrested? In specific terms, what was her goal as a result of the rape?
After a sorcerer kills her father, a sheltered princes must search for her exiled enchantress mother in order to learn the forbidden arts and save her people from the usurper
Describe one inciting incident and one goal, or else the plot will seem fragmented. The father's murder is the greater motivator of the two so mention only that, and freeing her people is more compelling than her rising to the throne. The MC description is strange and unrelated to the plot,?whetherRead more
Describe one inciting incident and one goal, or else the plot will seem fragmented.
The father’s murder is the greater motivator of the two so mention only that, and freeing her people is more compelling than her rising to the throne.
The MC description is strange and unrelated to the plot,?whether she’s desired for her money, looks or blood line, it makes no difference – her goal is to free her people from a tyrant.
My suggestion:
After a tyrant kills her father an exiled princess must team up with her witch mother to lead her people in a revolt.
23 words.
See lessSlated for Banishment on her sixteenth birthday, a young warrior must elude capture, rescue her best friend and hope her own twist doesn?t mutate further in the process. If they do manage to escape, Keira will have to face her nightmares, the creatures of a world twisted by the DNA Wars, and survive long enough to reach the City of Lights where she will be free from persecution.
Agreed with DPG this is too long and complex.After reviewing the Training tab, trie and isolate the MC's inciting incident and goal. Once you have the inciting incident and goal structure a new logline, and focus only on these elements - no back story, and no subplots.
Agreed with DPG this is too long and complex.
After reviewing the Training tab, trie and isolate the MC’s inciting incident and goal. Once you have the inciting incident and goal structure a new logline, and focus only on these elements – no back story, and no subplots.
See less