Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
Revised Logline……When an introverted player from a footy obsessed family, is cut from the team, he joins the cheerleading squad, despite being bullied, he competes at the National Championships, losing his chance of a scholarship but gaining the love of his life.
The revised logline presents little action and little conflict - he joins a cheerleading squad, after a bit of bullying he competes at the nationals and then he falls in love. What's stopping him? What obstacles MUST he over come? In addition the stakes are low (maybe I'm missing something) what's tRead more
The revised logline presents little action and little conflict – he joins a cheerleading squad, after a bit of bullying he competes at the nationals and then he falls in love. What’s stopping him? What obstacles MUST he over come?
In addition the stakes are low (maybe I’m missing something) what’s the worst that would happen should he fail as a cheerleader?
Biggest problem with this concept is it lacks a clear unifying goal, what is it the MC wants? Is it to win the cheerleading championships? Is it to find love? Is it the scholarship?
See lessA young spirited girl acts as guardian to her transgender friend as they go through the tribulations of a small town society. On one unbelievable evening and at great cost the girl transcends as a savior and etches her passion of friendship in time and memory.
At 46 words and 2 sentences this needs significant choppage. The first sentence does not describe a single event that motivates the character to take action, instead it describes a situation with no beginning or end. A logline needs to describe a single sequence of events that lead to a conclusion iRead more
At 46 words and 2 sentences this needs significant choppage.
The first sentence does not describe a single event that motivates the character to take action, instead it describes a situation with no beginning or end. A logline needs to describe a single sequence of events that lead to a conclusion in a plot, this means it starts with an initing incident and finishes with a goal – even if the MC fails to achieve it.
So best to re draft this logline so it describes, in specific forms, the event that motivates the girl to become a saviour and how she “…etches her passion for friendship?”, otherwise it’s too vague.
See lessRevised Logline……When an introverted player from a footy obsessed family, is cut from the team, he joins the cheerleading squad, despite being bullied, he competes at the National Championships, losing his chance of a scholarship but gaining the love of his life.
Good points above. Also perhaps best to use a different description for the MC than "?young man?", what does he do and what is his flaw? Lastly will the whole film be him practising or is there something else he will do? Right now it reads a bit thin on plot.
Good points above.
Also perhaps best to use a different description for the MC than “?young man?”, what does he do and what is his flaw?
Lastly will the whole film be him practising or is there something else he will do? Right now it reads a bit thin on plot.
See less