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A good father and respected police officer is prisoned after he accidentally shot a young child, who was in the driving away robber?s car. He is trying to get his life back with a support of citizens of his city.
As Craig said what is the goal, in specific terms, that he must achieve in order to know that he has gotten his life back together? Otherwise "?get his life back together?" is too vague and unclear. On the same note what is the inciting incident? What out of the ordinary event motivates him so he MURead more
As Craig said what is the goal, in specific terms, that he must achieve in order to know that he has gotten his life back together? Otherwise “?get his life back together?” is too vague and unclear.
On the same note what is the inciting incident? What out of the ordinary event motivates him so he MUST get his life back together? It can’t be the release from jail as he knew that was going to happen years before, what else can happen to him to make him need to take action now?
Maybe his wife or ex wife asks the court to cancel his visitation rights with the kids? Though that seems rather harsh and inappropriate, it’s the kind of event I mean.
See lessA girl trifles with the dark arts during her mother’s career defining moment.
Agreed with the above. Also best to change the main character description - be more specific about the girl's flaw. Lastly I think the connection between her doing dark arts and her mother's career is tenuous, what is the connection between the two?
Agreed with the above.
Also best to change the main character description – be more specific about the girl’s flaw.
Lastly I think the connection between her doing dark arts and her mother’s career is tenuous, what is the connection between the two?
See lessAfter a popular police officer is suspended indefinitely for shooting a black teen, a desk duty officer seizes his opportunity to be a hero, serving as his town’s only source of law enforcement when the rest of the police force protests by calling in “sick” for a week.
The latest draft of the logline is confusing - the first clause doesn't logically connect to the second one. Either the street cops are absent as a result of the mayor calling them off or because of they all call in sick, but you can't have both as we don't know which is the inciting incident. SeconRead more
The latest draft of the logline is confusing – the first clause doesn’t logically connect to the second one.
Either the street cops are absent as a result of the mayor calling them off or because of they all call in sick, but you can’t have both as we don’t know which is the inciting incident.
Secondly the wording is throwing me off. They can’t retaliate for something that hash’t happened yet, and this also comes across as a separate action taken by characters other than the MC.
Lastly what is the desk cop’s goal specifically? Right now it reads as if he wants his mates back at work, but that’s too vague. Is there a particular person he wants to come to work for a particular reason?
Even then is the whole film going to be about him calling and texting his work mates? Not to mention that the stakes are not clear, what’s the worst that will happen if most of the other cops don’t show up?
In leu of all the above questions I think the concept is unclear, lets try and break it down to it’s bare components:
MC – desk cop
MC flaw – ?
Inciting incident – ?
Action – ?
Goal – ?
If you reply back with answers to the question marks we will be able to construct a logline together.
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