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A Russian Orthodox farmer torches his home and leaves with his dog hours before Operation Barbarossa and the Nazis invade Russia.
Why? What is his motivation to spark the flames of distraction so carelessly? It seems as if you're missing an inciting incident, likely this is the event that pushed him to burn-baby-burn the house down. As Richiev asked, to what end? What goal does he hope to achieve? Lastly mentioning specific miRead more
Why?
What is his motivation to spark the flames of distraction so carelessly? It seems as if you’re missing an inciting incident, likely this is the event that pushed him to burn-baby-burn the house down.
As Richiev asked, to what end? What goal does he hope to achieve?
Lastly mentioning specific military campaigns is risky as the reader may well not know the details. I would take out the name of the operation and describe it instead, otherwise the stakes are not clear – most people won’t know what happened in Operation Barbarossa.
See lessA contentedly married woman must face the truth about her marriage when the body of her husband’s lover, who fell to her death in a glacier 50 years ago, is discovered.
What about: After the body of her husband?s 1st lover is discovered, a contented wife must rationalise for herself her husbands feelings if they are to celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary. 29 words. I felt that the wife's action, inner as it?may be, needs mentioning. Other wise she becomes passRead more
What about:
After the body of her husband?s 1st lover is discovered, a contented wife must rationalise for herself her husbands feelings if they are to celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary.
29 words.
I felt that the wife’s action, inner as it?may be, needs mentioning. Other wise she becomes passive and,?despite the low concept aspect of the story, that ain’t good.
See lessAn ambivalent young man witnesses his father’s death by the hand of his friend, fifteen years later, the young man must stop the friend, who escapes from an asylum, and protect the girl he loves.
Agreed with Moses and DPG, much about this doesnt make sense. You've posted various iterations of this concept already, but it still seems to have similar problems as the previous versions. If the inciting incident is a psychotic killer being released, then the murder back story need not be mentioneRead more
Agreed with Moses and DPG, much about this doesnt make sense.
You’ve posted various iterations of this concept already, but it still seems to have similar problems as the previous versions.
If the inciting incident is a psychotic killer being released, then the murder back story need not be mentioned. Problem is that the murderer’s release is far less impactful than his father being killed. Therefore the motivation for the mc to take action doesn’t stack up.
I think you should re consider the inciting incident and how it motivates the character.
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