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After he smack-cams a deranged vagabond, a prankish vlogger must fight to survive when the stranger invades his home sporting a bloody billhook.
Maybe I'm getting old, but what does smack-cam mean? If he does, what ever it is, to the homeless guy, is it really an inciting incident or just a continuation of his modus operandum? It sounds as if the home invasion is really the inciting incident, to that matter what does he do in response to recRead more
Maybe I’m getting old, but what does smack-cam mean?
If he does, what ever it is, to the homeless guy, is it really an inciting incident or just a continuation of his modus operandum?
It sounds as if the home invasion is really the inciting incident, to that matter what does he do in response to rectify the situation? What is his goal?
Lastly why would the audience care about a guy who does something bad to a poor homeless man? Ultimately he gets what he deserves as a result.
See lessA revolutionary Arabian prince rises in revolt to free his people from the Barbarians after he was given a second chance to live again.
The character name should be removed from the logline. Unless it is a story about a widely recognised historical character such as Jesus or Ghandi, which most producers would know, other wise it parts with convention and is therefore unnecessary.Regardless the fact that this story is based on Arab fRead more
The character name should be removed from the logline. Unless it is a story about a widely recognised historical character such as Jesus or Ghandi, which most producers would know, other wise it parts with convention and is therefore unnecessary.
Regardless the fact that this story is based on Arab folklore, you should take the liberty of adapting it to the screen. This means structuring into the plot more conventional story elements such as cinematic inciting incidents, goals and action. Cinematic means visual, something that can be photographed and understood by the audience without exposition. Therefore Ethan’s suggestion of enslaving the Arab people – show their plight and need for freedom, and Richiev’s suggestion that awakening a dream is not a good goal for the screen?- what achievement can visually explain that the MC succeeded and his people are free? Perhaps him killing Gadab or the Barbarian armies retreating from the peninsula would make for better goals.
This has the making of?an epic story, and would possibly require either a sequel or a few TV seasons to complete, I strongly suggest the latter and therefore best to get your basic structure solid at this early stage.
For example:
After a Barbarian war lord kills his father, a fearless prince must unite all the Arab tribes in order to lead an army to free them from slavery.?
28 words
See lessI made the antagonist kill his father so it has a personal stake as well as a social one, I also specified the action he will have to take in order to achieve his goal of freedom.?
An abstinent high-school graduate heading for college doesn?t want to say goodbye to his friends but must confront those friends he avoided for that same reason after he lifted a shop, tried drugs and had sex with his friend?s sister.
Agreed with the above. Also must confront his friends is not an action, it's a discussion and part of a scene at best. Once you figure out what the goal is, best to come up with a better description of the action he will take in the story.
Agreed with the above.
Also must confront his friends is not an action, it’s a discussion and part of a scene at best. Once you figure out what the goal is, best to come up with a better description of the action he will take in the story.
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